There’s a war always going on inside our heads, between the good and the bad. Between being selfish or selfless. Between sin and holy. Between what’s right and what I want.
Seemingly simple choices like chosing pizza or a salad for lunch showcases which side is winning. Are we being self-destructive because we don’t (want to) care OR we’re being loving and caring to our body. And the tough ones like partying or going home to family.
The choices are not always personal or affecting-personal. There are times when you have to chose between happiness of self or loved-ones.
After struggling with sacrifices and dealing with hurt, or being selfish and dealing with guilt later, I made a choice. I decided I’m going to stop trying to be a good girl. I’m going to chose myself and what seems right to me than pleasing others. There’s no certificate given at the end of the life for being good. Rather, you often end up hurting or making a mistake too often, when trying to be good. When you’ve stopped trying to be good, people happily accept whatever good/favors you do. Once you learn to say No it’s lot easier saying No than a Yes.
So, I do things that please me. I do things that suit my or my family’s best interests. And I don’t try to make everyone happy.
A few years into this, when I look back at my choices, I find, I haven’t done anything sinful. I have always ended up chosing what’s right than chosing immediate happiness. I chose selfish and yet that selfish is all-encompassing. And there’s no burden of ‘sacrifice’. It’s my choice. It’s my life rules that I’m creating for myself because I chose them, not because of parents, husband, society or upbringing. Simply because I find this meaningful for me.
And that has made all the difference.