After accepting that I may be a person susceptible to Depression, and after coming out of the phase, I decided I would like to know thy enemy. Because knowledge is power.
So, things I did:
1. Read about Depression: I googled on Depression on ‘why me’, what triggers it, how to avoid it (if you could), and what to do when you know it’s started. It was relieving to know that it’s not like I’m weak or I did something to reach here. It’s important to not feel guilty.
2. Talked to my loved ones about it: I talked to my husband about my suspicions. And, as is the case with most loved ones, they deny that you could be having it. Then I told him about what I had read, and all the times it had consumed me. On how my extreme reactions were above average. And how it is so difficult to get over it. On how they helped me get over it. And, that they would need to do it whenever it comes knocking again. To know the signs and symptoms.
3. Simple steps, change failure to success: I realized my mind plays tricks when I’m down. It tries to downplay me and my achievements. It tries to tell me how awful I am. How waste of a human I am on this earth. How I’m a big burden and constant source of worry to my loved ones. That I don’t do anything to add value to their lives.
So, now when I’m out of my low phase, I’ve decided I’ll try to become a better version of myself. I’ll try to do all things that I admire in people OR things that I want myself to do but don’t. The reasons are usually excuses.
Instead of going into self-loathing every time I fail, I’ll try to turn the failure into success. As an example, if I did not wake up to do my exercise this morning, instead of hating myself and cursing myself all through the day, I’ll try and do something in the evening. Or, try to get back to regimen as early as possible. Try to reduce the time you’re off the regimen. Stop gloating. Start working to get rid of the gloating.
4. Cut your goals into minute miniuscule steps: Every time I fail a goal, I feel very bad. So, instead of going into that loop, I decided to cut short the goals. If I fail, I’ve a chance of getting back up again soon enough. The failure is not as big as failed to lose weight, but the failure is ‘unable to do 20 mins of cycling’.
Keeping above in mind, my goals right now are:
1. Do exercise every day: Even 5 mins or 10 mins count. It’s okay. Do it. Persistence pays.
2. Reduce time wasted: Instead of thinking and wasting time, add small activities, responsibilities to my day. Pick a book. Play a game with my son. Go for the lazy evening walk after dinner.