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Should we or shouldn’t we???

I feel like breaking out of the shackles of the society. A society which thinks only about the rules, like Laws, and not about humanity…emotions…feelings. The situation becomes much dismal when everyone around you follows these rules like Bible. They think it’s absolutely right to go by these rules and these rules are the only way of life. I don’t know if they fear change, they fear society or they fear failure! Probably, it’s the last one. Any change, and new path brings a lot of challenges with it and you need to have a lot of substance, lots of guts, to believe in yourself, believe in your path and go ahead with it, all alone. Sometimes, even when everyone else is against you.
It doesn’t make much difference when the people against you are part of the mob. It becomes a litmus test only when the people standing opposite to you are your loved-ones. Part of the family that has been with you all your life…as you have known.
Is it right to forego your family members for something that you just think is going to be right for you? Let me make it more clear. Let’s take an example. You want to quit the job you are in. It’s the job which is well paying, it belongs to the line that you have pursued in your graduation, and you are almost settled. Still, you want to quit it. Since you want to quit it, that implies that you are really terrible there and your heart is completely caged working there. You tell your parents about it. After all, they are your parents, they are your near ones. Who else will understand you if not them!? You want to go for another profession, something that may need you to lose the hefty pay packet that you have right now. You will be less paid, but you really feel that you will be much happier. What do you think will be the response of your parents?
I know, for 99% of you, especially the ones belonging to NCR, the answer will be a complete NO! Their reasons will be: “Oh Dear, jobs are mostly frustrating. What’s the possibility that the next job you chose will be satisfying and you will be happy? After some years, you will have to get married. How will you support your family? Of course, the pay packet will play a major role then.”
I know many of us are those who would not even think of discussing this foolish thought with anyone, and would get all these reasons right in their minds, and drop the idea there and then.
But, is it right? Is it the way it should be? We know that this profession is going to be with us forever in our life. It’s been just 2-3 years in this line and we are already frustrated. Still, we don’t stand up and say that I won’t do it. We don’t because somewhere even we have a fear….fear of a debacle. The fear of losing on this untouched path is so hard that we don’t dare to even try. We fail to realise that failing and getting up to move on is what Life is! We don’t understand that it’s like repeating the same experiment as per the guidelines, every time, every day..the whole life…. Still, we don’t think it’s worth the effort.
And those who actually dare to think beyond the rule book, those who dare to dream….I want to ask one question. How do you differentiate that whether you are standing up for your dream, following the Lord Krishna’s path, as told to Arjuna in Gita or you are being adamant, and living in a world of fantasy. Whether you are following your heart, or you are still unaware of the problems and the practicalities life poses and that’s why you can think of thinking all this! How will you decide whether the path you have chosen is worth hurting your parents or is it about being dumb and thinking of yourself as Mature…. How’ll you differentiate whether your duty towards your parents is more important or your genial right to live as per your wish is more important?
The discussion remains open.


26 thoughts on “Should we or shouldn’t we???

  1. Ok in this era of Rock On, I think its still a big decision to make. I feel this is where our culture differ a lot from West. There children are mostly not persuaded to do something against their wish as parents believe it is their life and they should decide what to make out from it.But here I think it will be like this for a long time, there will be one odd cases (your can be one ;)) but as far as middle class people are concerned their dream will still be governed by how much they will earn from it finally.Here you cannot move alone, you have to walk with your family. And honestly initially I also felt that its not acceptable but now I think I owe this to my family.But my best wishes are with you πŸ™‚ Ultimately you have to be happy . Kisi maha shtri ne mujhse bahut baar kaha hai You have only one live it.

  2. yup…so…again like always i agree with our beloved jana sir…and strangely this time i agree with u as well “beloved swati mam” :)….ur questions are very simple and genuine…but the point i would like to make here is…the name of our country is “INDIA” :P…i know u know that too :P…here if u belong to middle class background….u got to do something that pays off well and is secure as well…even i would say forget middle class….even the richest of the riches wont let their children follow anything just they want to…Ambani ka beta…business hi sambhalega….use painting ka shauk to ho sakta hai but i dont think he will be allowed to make just paintings all his life…..i also get sick thinking “damn it man..i cant do this job whole my life”….but then i dont have a full proof worked out plan to follow any dream job of mine :P…but if u do have a full proof plan to pursue ur dream…u should go for it :)…i love risks…but i am talking of full proof plan…cause this is such a decision which is not related to u only…it is bound to affect many people out there…waise apne “WEST” wale iss maamle mai acche hai…they have this tendency to say “beta bhaad mai bhi jaana hai to wahan bhi jao…kyunki tum ajaad ho” πŸ˜›PS: Just my opinions πŸ˜›

  3. But can one be happy if his/her family is not happy? Ultimately it’s all connected. And I think it seems a great sacrifice and a great mahapurush feeling when you do this for your love for your family, but I don’t know how anyone would feel if this thing is not self-decided but imposed upon you.

  4. Thanks for calling me beloved sid. But, what I said here was just not restricted to your job and how you earn money. It went on to many more cases like choice of your partner and so on…Secondly, I know going alone without taking your family along is not a possibility, but my point is that is it really wrong to think beyond money and go ahead pursuing your dream…or is it simply a case of ego clashes…and more so, dreams and plans clashing! Many a time they are opposing your decision not because you are wrong or you don’t have a back up plan…but because they don’t know of any case which has gone this way and succeeded. There love towards us forces them to be harsh and stop you from going on a path where there may be chances of falling and failing. They want you to take up the path that’s usually followed and stay safe.Also, if you remember what was the most exciting thing you ever did in your life, or think of the most risk taking event of your life, then you will realise that it was without the knowledge of your parents.I don’t blame them that they are stopping me from growing, or hampering my freedom, but I am sad that in their effort to protect us from calamities they forget that my life is different from theirs and I have my own set of mistakes and experiences.

  5. u r absolutely right…bole to bang on target…but they r parents of this generation nd they cant and wont change now……its a good lesson for u…when u have children…let them do whateva u always pined for and could not :)…PS: Tell me is the usage of “pined” correct here ?? πŸ˜‰

  6. ambanis, birla’s etc clan take up their business because somewhere down there they are also fascinated by the big money, position etc. If a ambani son tommorow wants to be a cricketer, I am sure his father won’t stop himI don’t agree with the point that parents cannot change..infact the only thing I will like to say is 20years from now I won’t want myself to say “wish I had tried little harder to convince them or do it”.And its not only money matters, work ,love should be same for life…Like the maha stri says “life is too short ..don’t waste it” ..Don’t give up without making efforts…speaking from my personal experience , it will make you more happy and will give you more peace if you will give your complete efforts to fulfil what you want to do(The thing can be anything)irrespective of the outcome.Fo instance,if its for a life partner then go ahead ask them what they have in mind, if they don’t share your feelings, leave it there will be tough but atleast you will have the satisfaction that you tried your best, you din’t leave any stone unturned, you din’t leave it at question “what if he/she also has the same feelings ?”, don’t leave it at my parents or her parents won’t agree..are ask them what they think, why they don’t agree..may be its just some apprehension….if its something related to career, then give it your full shot, talk to your parents ask them what is blocking their mind, talk to experts in that field,take their opinion. CLear the complete picture..may be even you are not clear about what you want to do..if thats the case then you cannot convince anybody else.So in short “Give it a shot”.Get up do it.

  7. see…ambani etc. might allow his son to play cricket…if he succeeds still after retiring he will join business…and if he doesn’t succeed he will definitely come back to his business…difference with us is he has something to fall back on and we dont …since not every one is ambani πŸ™‚parents ..ok ya so maybe some can but mine wont :P…i shouldn’t have generalized it…ya u r right….in case of love (this being the most interesting of money,work and love ;)) u should go and talk to him/her whoever he/she is :)…so that u feel at least i told her….but sirji…ek sawaaal ye hai…have u tried it out ?? …cause i sincerely feel this thing of speaking out what u feel for someone is “EASIER SAID THAN DONE”….and for “MAHA STRI” :)…mujhe bhi thoda gyaan chaiye…please keep me updated of her sayings..ideologies and theories :)…seems interesting πŸ™‚

  8. Agreed that Ambani son has that fall back option. Definitely you know your parents better than I do, but still I feel you are saying it without trying.. i never said that parents will understand always. what i want to say is don’t give up without trying…And completely agree 1000% easier said than done and I always believe that may be I don’t always lead by example but even if somebody gets motivated by purpose is solved. and i think i mentioned “personal experience” πŸ™‚ so …….

  9. I completely agree with Jana that my point was not to leave things at that. Atleast try! And if it’s about personal experience and “easier said then done” , then I Have! This means that I do believe that with my love, and conviction, and my belief that my choice is right, I can convince my parents of anything. It’s only my own doubts and worries which stop me from going ahead and pursue it. Parents won’t understand is a fake face which we put to guard ourselves from the burden of guilt and remorse.If you believe in it, then you must try so that you know the exact reason why you let go of the dream. It’s easier said that it’s better to let it go coz ur parents can’t accept it. It’s very hard to accept and follow it. Life’s really long and to follow such a decision becomes an albatross sometimes. You may end up ruining not just your own life but many other lives attached to you. If you say that I’ll forget him/her and go by my parents then it’s your duty that you give your full to the next gal you marry!

  10. ha ha ha ha ha….I don’t know siddhartha but I think rather experienced that this is something you cannot control..may be people have or will…so hats off to those people ..but I feel its most natural trait of every creature to uncontrollably fall in love with anything ..person,place or thing

  11. pata nahi sirji…mujhe to aisa lagta hai…..we only fall in love with the thing we want to….and this decision of whether we want to or not is motivated by “BRAIN” humaar pyaari khupadia πŸ˜› :P…..agreed the feeling might creep in suddenly without prior notice :P…but i guess….”pyaar sirf ho nahi jaata…thoda sa kia bhi jaaata hai…probably its a blend..a sort of coalition government run by heart and brain :P…if properly tuned may be brain can stop heart from passing the bill of *falling in love* in its parliament πŸ™‚ :)”

  12. I agree wid Siddhartha on this that it’s not completely a thing that happens by itself. You can always close ur eyes on something. If you don’t want to get into it, then you won’t. But, I think that it becomes uncontrollable when it comes to the CHOICE of person, thing, or place. Then it doesn’t matter whether it bides by the rules and criterias kept by the society / parents/ friends or not. It’s totally driven by heart after that. If heart likes something then..whatever the brain says, this is a fact which will not change.

  13. sorry I differ to agree with both of you. If I am closing my eyes or controlling my mind to think otherwise then I am suppressing my natural instincts and that is something against your wish and is kind of negative thing to do..Ok I agree sometimes you have to do it but that is after you have analyzed or visualized everything or have experienced something against it.If I have started to like or love something why I will try to make my mind get away from it without any reason? I don’t know what notion you guys have about love but i feel love is something really enjoyable and will get pain only when you will do things in a wrong manner. I know lot won’t agree but I feel its true.

  14. ya it is a negative thing to do…but one got to do it…either willingly or forcibly :)….nd yes just like u said..without any reason u wont try to get away but with reason u got to ..right ? :)….i dont know what notion i have about love ‘coz i never got the opportunity to fall in love :P…now u would say beta there is nothing like opportunity….u got to create it :P….i know i know my fault i guess :P….waise kisi behatareen gaane mai bola hai ati sundar awaaj wali lata di ne …*sirf ehsaas hai yeh, rooh se mehsoos karo, pyaar ko pyaar hi rehne do koi naam na do* waise kaise rooh se kaise mehsoos karna hai ye dodgy hai πŸ˜› πŸ˜› :P…

  15. no I won’t say you got to create it yourself because that will also mean something you controlled by starting i will say ok you din’t get the opportunity..may be you will get in future….and sorry I never liked that song never made any sense to me

  16. Ohhoo! This discussion is actually rocking… πŸ˜‰I think it’s more to do with how you perceive it. You both are single and you can best understand it right now. What do you think that why you don’t have anyone with you? Coz u didn’t find the special one?? No! I strongly believe that it’s because none of you feel the need of anyone special in your life right now. There can be various reasons you have in your mind because of which you avoid falling into it…maybe… I know you both will be shaking your heads vehemently on this now….But, I feel there’s a phase in everyone’s life when one feels like having a special one. Till the time your life is going on without that one special him/her, and you have various other things which are more important to you, you will not find anyone. And, you will keep believing that you are yet to find the special one. The day when the presence of someone in your life becomes important, of prime importance…when you start missing the presence of sm1 in ur life…you will start noticing people around you…and soon you will find love knocking at your doors. πŸ™‚That’s why I said it’s your choice whether you want to fall in love or not…and not in your hand whom to chose and fall in love with.This is my perception of falling in love…it may be different for you or others.

  17. “You both are single and you can best understand it right now.”jana sir ka to pata nahi but i am not πŸ˜› πŸ˜› :P…ok ok i m lies πŸ™‚“What do you think that why you don’t have anyone with you? Coz u didn’t find the special one?? No! I strongly believe that it’s because none of you feel the need of anyone special in your life right now. There can be various reasons you have in your mind because of which you avoid falling into it…”let me tell u why i m single….not ‘coz i dont feel the need of that special someone but ‘coz…..its not in my hands to have someone or not have someone….may be i ve not met that someone….may be cause i m too lazy to persuade someone….and moreover the primary reason being that this is primarily(almost 99.99%) in the hands of the fairer sex to decide if she wants to or not…all these being the primary reasons…still i would like to put it this way “I HAVE NOT MET THAT SOMEONE πŸ˜› πŸ˜› :P” i put it this way cause this way it looks better..looks as if i got a chance in future to meet that someone who is a not so beautiful girl with not so beautiful voice but a beautiful heart πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚MORAL OF THE STORY: “SAB MOH MAAYA HAI” πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  18. My.. The post as well as the comments are really thought provoking!!Although the line of thoughts as in comments went tangential to what the post intended- standing up to your loved ones to whether falling in love is a choice or not!! :pWell, I would not go against my loved ones unless and until I am very clear that this is what I want. Fine, its our own life and I am responsible for my own actions but this is life and I better take it seriously then if my actions are affecting others.In case of your example, simply quitting the job because you dont like it is not a good enough point to stand against your loved ones. You may not like the company or the work is boring – or the work is too much- whatever- unless you are clear about why and what next- there would be fear – fear of losing what you already have in hand- you would fear and so would your parents. -parents are actually justified in saying no to this big change coz 99 % of the people do not actually know what they want – hence the fear. My line of thoughts could be tangential to what you posted .. but still my two cents!and yes, I agree with you and Siddhartha that falling in love and giving that person prime importance in your life is entirely our choice.

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