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what next?

In less than a day, my fate will open up in front of me. An important phase of my life ends tomorrow. Don’t know how things will be after that, too busy, too free…or same as usual.. So, I wanted to tap my feelings today, right now.

If we talk about feelings then there’s only one word that describes me best right now – “Scared”.
As per my standards, the interview didn’t go that well. I was very nervous and fumbling on every answer. The answers which need to be given with conviction and confidence were the ones I fumbled most. The answers which I did answer fine were the ones that hardly matter perhaps. And they are the ones which I cannot compare or discuss how good or bad they were.
There is so much change that will come in my life tomorrow that I don’t know if I’ll even check the result. It will really need a lot of courage.
Let me tell you why it will be so difficult and what is at stake. I have been preparing for MBA since past 3 yrs now, officially. Although I think that I sincerely prepared only last year. My parents didn’t want me to prepare for it because they think it’s high time I get settled and get married. It took a lot of persuasion and dedication from my side to convince them to allow me. Just getting the permission didn’t end the miseries, there was a constant tension and pressure that was always there. Still, I prepared, together with my office. 
The end result was this. I was hanging at the brink almost everywhere. And hanging on the brink is as good as failing badly. Because you either get a call or you don’t get a call. I was the one who did not! I got a call from just 2 b-schools worth mentioning. And the only one I could go ahead and appear for an interview was SPJ. My parents had already clearly mentioned that they would not allow me to join any of the b-level B-Schools so even a thought about them wasn’t allowed. So, that’s why just 2 B-schools.
I came to USA for a client project for my company. Everybody thinks that was a major achievement. I know that it is not. There’s nothing special about it. Just a matter of geographies. I still don’t know why people are so mad about coming here. I think they are the people who’re never satisfied with what they have and always eye the other’s plate.
This coming to USA meant that I could not appear for the interview personally. I took permission for a telephonic interview from the school. I was allowed. This is where destiny plays its part. I was so damn busy in my office at this time that I was practically living in the office. We used to get Lunch and Dinner in office. Returning at 9.30 PM had become a habit. The result was that I didn’t prepare for the interview. I wouldn’t put the blame on the hectic schedule because I know, if I had had a will, a really true will to prepare, then I could have. But, that was probably not there. Ultimately, I prepared at the last minute. I prepared for every interview just one day prior to it.
Sounds funny! If anyone knows how madly I was preparing for MBA in India, they would be shocked to hear that I didn’t prepare at all for this telephonic interview. Let me not comment on this.
So, the result was that with the help of some angelic souls, I managed to prepare for the first interview, and got through for the second interview. I took a leave from office. I wrote the answers to the toughest questions of my life – Why mba and why marketing.
I got the answers turn out well. I was prepared for pretty much every question that they would ask. I knew they will ask this question. 
Then the interview began. It came, it happened and it went. The result was tragic. I couldn’t deliver the answers properly. The quesitons that I had known they would ask, and I had prepared, I couldn’t deliver them with the right conviction. 
Now, here I am waiting for the results. Everyone around me is very positive. I don’t know why. There were others who were even ready with the condolences. Perhaps they knew that it would not go well and… 
If the results are good, I don’t need to mention what happens next. But if the results are negative, then let me tell you what next. I end the study phase of my life. I end the phase where I tried so hard and failed still. I had so proudly told everyone that if I give my full effort then it’ll definitely go well. Now, everyone will be ready with smiling eyes and sad, consoling mouths.
Ever since I know, I have wanted to marry someone who choses me before chosing my family. So, the concept of arranged marriage was always elusive for me. The secret is that it still is. But, I have already given a go ahead to my parents. So, once tomorrow ends, parents will find someone suitable. A person who’ll be best by society standards. Will be best for me also. After all he’s the one who’s going to be my soul mate for 7 births, and re-births. So, I meet the special someone this way.  I marry him first and learn to respect him later. I don’t know what’s good about him. He doesn’t know what’s bad about me. where I cry, what to do when I cry, or when I am upset. Doomed soul. I pity him already. Anyways, so I marry. 
I wanted to leave my technical line. I still don’t think I can continue it forever in my life. But, since the only chance I had, which was practical as well as feasible, was through an MBA, so I lose that option. So, I think I will have to continue with it. Just like everyone else does. I used to think (kiddish!) that I have the courage to stand against the flow. I will not waste my life doing something which I don’t like. Everyone does that but I won’t. I will follow my heart and do what I find is best for me. Hahaha! Silly me. As usual.
Some of the adages which I’ll give myself or people will give me to empathise, sympathize or whatever (actually, condolences).
1. Whatever happens happens for good. God must be having something better in store for you. 
    — Total crap. This is what people use to console themselves and to get over with the pain of failing. Actually, the fact is that your efforts were not enough and the result is that you failed. Whatever you get is what you were worth. You didn’t get something because you were not worth that much. There’s nothing which God does in this. It’s best if you just learn from your failures. Understand what you missed, why you failed and see what next you have to do. Don’t bring God in between. If you fail, it’s your failure. If you succeed, that’s completely your success.
2. You didn’t get this/that/other enough.
   — A challenge is a challenge because there are obstacles there. If you get everything without any problems then it never was a challenge. Giving reasons for your failure is what losers do. You’re making your failure a bigger failure by not acknowledging it. Learn from it as much as you can.
3. If you want something more than your life, then you get that thing. 
  — I’m yet to see if this is true or false.
Now, I don’t know what I’ll do next with my life, in my life, but if you’re reading it, take my learnings from my failures. Because…. “Success is counted sweetest by those who fail”.
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Am I with the Right Person?

This is a mail that I received from a friend. The message was so apt and simple that I felt like sharing it with as many people as I could. And, what better place to share something than your blog! So, am posting it here. Read on! It’s worth a read and better still if you can implement it when it comes to actual practicals! 😉
               AM I WITH RIGHT PERSON.?

During a seminar, a woman asked,” How do I know if I am with the right person?” the author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?” Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind replied the author. Here’s the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle…In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.” Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU. Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the
initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfilment. Extramarital fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner). Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know and apply these laws, the results are predictable. Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.

Remember this always:

God determines who walks into your life.

It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay,

and who you refuse to let GO!!!