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Perception

There’s an old Hindi song from an old movie..one of my favorites, you may’ve heard it before…

“Tora mann darpan kehlaaye, bhale bure saare karmon ko dekhe aur dikhaye..”
I often hear this song. Apart from being extremely melodious, I find the deeper meaning very true in life. And, nowadays, somehow, it comes to my mind quite often. I don’t know if I’m all struck in the ‘different’ set of people here in USA or is it that I’m all mistaken and hazed up in my understanding of the world. My understanding of a person’s behavior is totally unmatched with my counterparts here. And, it has happened so many times now that I can’t just ignore the contrast.
I’ll try and explain the situation with some incidences which have crossed me. Our Client manager in this particular project is a person extremely diligent and thorough with his work. This makes him sometimes too pressing for work. He pretty much edges on being finicky when it comes to working late hours in office. He wants people to stay on even when there is not that much work. I understand that is his problem. But, just the fact that he has amazing knowledge and is very good at his work, brings him to my good books. So, every action of his that I see, I see in a positive light. I try and avoid the negative shades just to allow the positive ones stay in focus.
However, the same actions of his is taken very negatively by my friends around me. They always see that everything he does is a concocted plan of his, which is meant to lead into some dreadful treachery in future against us. If he’s got dinner and he’s calling everyone for dinner then it’s not out of poilte mannerism, but because he wants us all to stay on late and work. If he’s saying that I don’t want my engineers to go hungry then basically he means that “I don’t want you to go back home and NOT work, because you’re hungry.” Basically, he thinks he’s doing a huge favour by bringing food and we would have starved to death lest he hadn’t got us food.
:O
Isn’t that stretching it bit too far??
I mean, I agree that the whole point of getting dinner in office is to help engineers stretch their working hours. This is not new to our stream and the projects we’re part of. There is always a phase in the project where the deadlines are strict and one needs to stay on late. Now, it depends totally on you whether you accept it as a fact or you sulk and complain. I think in any case you’ve to stay back and work. Then, why not just accept it positively. Why to think so much against him that some day he probably starts stinking too bad to you!?
Apart from this, I strongly believe that if you start thinking bad or negative about someone, you can never learn anything from the person. I strongly followed it with respect to teachers. When we start calling them names, or saying that ‘he knows nothing’. Just to be a part of our cool cool friends.. We basically stop paying respect to the person and we stop taking him serious enough to think that he can teach us anything. Then, even if the person could teach you a word or two, he won’t be able to. Because your mind is already blocked with so many of your negative thoughts.
Since I have no issues with the Manager, I find all our interactions extremely useful. I like to work with him and learn a bit or two of his ways. His management skills are as good as his technical skills, which is a rare breed to find. In a very short span of time, he’s risen quite a bit in his career and I think that’s reason enough for me to sit up and listen to him. Rather than read the autobiography of someone like Steve Jobs, I would love to have it from the horse’s mouth!
But…then sometimes I wonder.. is it only me a fool that I cannot see through his tactics? Why is it that when he asks for a feedback from his team, about the general health and progress of the project, I really think he’s asking that. I go ahead and give it my best shot. I try to give my genuine feedback. I don’t think that he’s actually analysing that what are the reasons I could give to throw them out, and what all can be my new ways of harrassing them!
And believe me, this counter-thought is not my assumed imagination of the other side’s thoughts. These are the words actually voiced after that meeting.
I tried and tried to look at him in that light. In the shade that he was indeed planning it all, and stuff. And, in the end, I could only see one thing. I cannot.
I cannot because I am not that way. It’s not about the other person, actually, at all! It’s always and always about who ‘YOU’ are. If you try and fool other people, whenever anyone talks to you, you believe that he will try and fool you. If you talk honest and truly from your heart, you just take the other person’s words on the face value as well. You don’t see anything beyond them.
You don’t see any malice or second motive behind his acts.
There was a short story our Hindi teacher had told us in school. Suits most appropriate in this conversation –
“Once a man is returning from a late night Satsang. While on his way back home, he crosses another man on the street. He instantly thinks that he must also be returning from some Satsang. The Thief also thinks that the other one must also be returning from work.”
I like to continue with my goody-goody, all happy world and believe blindly in the Kabir Doha –
“Jaati na dekhiye Saadhu ki, pooch leejiye gyaan,
Mol karo talwaar ki, padi rehen do myaan”
{ That is, don’t think about the caste of the Learned, ask more about his knowledge. Just like it’s better to value the Sword more than it’s cover.}
And this is possible to execute only when I stay with my perception of the world.
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Typical girlish act!

Making this space just for people to post comments for my last post… 🙂

Due to my experimentation with my post settings, I somehow switched off the option of allowing comments on new posts. Please put your valuable comments on the post here!
Smiles.
N’joy
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Madhuri’s Home

Today, June 8’09, was quite an eventful day. Although it was a normal day and it didn’t start with lots of hopes, but it ended up to be a day full of social events. My group in office consists of 4 girls. We take lunch together and that’s how I take the liberty of calling them ‘my’ group. :p

The group has Me, Deepti (DJ), Madhuri and Sowji (Sowjanya). We went to Madhuri’s place today for lunch. None of us had seen her home ever since she shifted there. So, we decided to go there today. I’ve been so impressed with her home, that I can say that I pretty much saw my dream house in front of me. Let me try and put the view here.
We all went to the home in Madhuri’s car. Just at the corner of the road, where the road takes a turn, is Madhuri’s home. You see a big garage’s gate when you reach. There’s a small alley in the side of the garage, leading to the entrance of the house. There’s a pretty mailbox, quite like a spacious purse made out of iron, creamy white in color, at the side wall, before the entrance. The entrance has a door mat, which has somewhat wooden look to it. Good choice. Just as you enter the house, on your left is the doorway to kitchen and dining area. Move a li’l forward and you have the entrance to the drawing room. A spacious room with an LCD TV in the front. Standing at the door of the drawing room, you could see the exit to the backyard garden, TV in the front, Comfy Sofa set in which you can drown in, at your right side. The floor is carpetted so you can sit down and enjoy the television. On going out into the balcony, she has a jacuzzi (a large tub which acts as a pool…not the general tubs which we’ve in India. It’s somewhat like a mini-well that we’ve.) The backyard stretches parallel to the house, so pretty huge and stylish.
The weird part was the bedroom. I mean it was a long bedroom, but it had space of two rooms. It was in a slight curve. So, in a way, you had space for keeping two beds. Now, what’s the concept behind having it this way, the reason is still oblivious to me! 😛 But, it was and it had two beds kept there. Not to mention the walk-in closets at the wall side of the bedroom. The bathroom had a small window at the top to allow sunlight come in. I have not seen a bigger bath tub uptil now in my life!! 😀
Apart from the amount of space and luxuries, what I liked most about the house was the way she had decorated it. The wall hangings were all Indian. I’m sure you would have seen those in Delhi Haat, typical South Indian. Large black cloth with elephants or alpanas stitched on them. I just adore those and always wanted to put them in my house (I mean, my house! Not the parents’ house 😉 ) Although they are very common and rampant, but her choice of paintings was really good. Even the way she had made the Mandir in her kitchen, it was really nice. Then the wooden window panel she had put in her Mother-in-law’s (stylishly and secretly named ‘the MIL’)  room, it took away my heart. It was a small rectangular window and the panel was like 4 doors of wood, which could be folded like a fan. Very pretty. Very ethnic. Typical me!
All the things in her house were normal, and daily seen, I guess, but it’s the placing and the choice you pick, which matters. Basically, that’s what differentiates a house from home, I guess! 🙂
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Typically girlish act!!!

I just want to record it to remind myself how stupid I can be, and have behaved in past.

Foolish me 1:
On Saturday, I went shopping. I didn’t go out with the purpose of shopping. Had gone just to visit a store which is known for cheap branded clothes. I knew I have a weakness for clothes. Still, I went. Despite knowing that I’ve already spent enough on clothes, shoes and belts just the last weekend, I still went ahead. In India, I only used to do shopping with cash. That kept a check on my outflow. But, here, you can pay through card. You pay through card almost everywhere. Cash is almost dispensable. With this card payment, I’ve no clue on how much I’ve spent by the end of the day. It’s only when I reach the checkout counter and the bill crosses the 2-digit number into 3-digit mark that you get a shock. End result was that I went back to the store the next day to return goods worth 40 bucks. 
Foolish me 2: 
The second foolish act – the shopping I did. I got a pair of heels. I had been looking for such heels ever since I came to US. I never got one of my size. At this store, I got a pair which was of size 6 1/2, when my foot size is 6. Still, I felt with socks, it should be fine. I bought it. Coming to office this morning, I know how I’ve reached office wearing them. They are lose and keep coming out on every step. I barely reached in time for my bus.
Before I started from home in the morning, I could feel it that the heels are lose and I won’t be able to walk properly. In store,  you don’t get a fair chance or idea of the shoes as everything is carpeted. You hardly walk as much. But, at home, in the morning, I had known it. I stuffed cotton, wore my thicker socks, and started off to office. I knew that if I don’t use it, I can return it. But, I so wanted to keep the heels, that I still went off. Now, my foot is aching badly…there is a soar point created at the side of my foot thumb. 
Foolish me 3:
Another similar point was the pair of shorts. The shorts are pretty common here but they are shorter than what we even get in India. I know I can’t wear them out even here. Still, wearing it, they suited so well, that I didn’t return it. I constantly ask myself “What will you do with keeping it if you won’t wear it???” There’s no answer.. yet I won’t return it!!! Phew!
Now, I don’t know when I’ll understand and grow up. I can already  see my parents’ looking at me, and me standing with my shopping bags in my hands….grin on my face and guilt in my heart!