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Swati – ????

I try to understand myself…over and over again.

My mom says I live in a romantic world. Not the lovey dovey mushy romantic world, but the world where everything is good, everything is nice. No matter how bad things are, they are never bad enough for me to worry. My dad worries how I’ll manage in my life with the laid back attitude I have towards money matters. I don’t worry if I don’t claim my medical claims, through fraudulent bills. Everyone in the company does. After all, it’s our money that they are deducting. If we didn’t fall sick, then we should still get our money. I keep losing my stuff.
In childhood, my mom used to give the purse to my brother, when she sent us to get milk from Mother Dairy. I have dropped quite many purses. So, it was safer that he carry it. My brother is 4.5 yrs younger than me.
My brother says I don’t know what I want from my life. Sometimes, I say I want to study Art, sometimes I say I want to quit my job and get into Interior Design. Many a times I say I want to become a lecturer. He says there’s no guarantee that I’ll want the same thing 5 yrs down the line.
I don’t mind asking a stranger on road for directions. I don’t mind taking help from people I met 10 minutes ago. I don’t think it’s wrong if I like to learn more and more from people, even if they are boys. Just the fact that they are of opposite sex, doesn’t make them any less knowledgeable. Every time you talk to someone, it doesn’t imply that you’ve something cooking in your mind.
I get happy and excited when cool wind gushes on my face, while travelling in a bus or a bike. I enjoy the drops of rain falling on my face. I like the colorful things they sell in ‘melas’. I like colorful things, no matter wat age group they are meant for. I value human emotions more than the rules of the world. I like to talk more to people who’re nothing today but who I feel will be ‘something’ tomorrow…rather than those who’re already well accomplished, and sought after. I don’t think there’s a single person, whom I’ve met, and wasn’t worthy enough to be learnt from. There’s always something to be learnt, from anyone and everyone. I don’t despise or hate those who are successful, but just being successful doesn’t make you important in my eyes. I don’t mind laughing out loud if I want to. I don’t hide it if I’m happy doing something. Even if that’s not a normal course for others. It’s clear on my face when I don’t like something. Even if I try to hide it, it’s tough that it will escape the other person’s notice. I advise people as if they are my kids or kins…as if without my help they would really land up in hell. Or, as if, if they make the same mistake then they won’t be able to get out of it the way I could. 😛
I like to care about emotions. I like to help and be helped. I like people smiling, laughing, sharing together. I like people fighting and coming out hugging each other, at the end.
With all these traits, some people think I’m a fool who needs to grow up. Some believe I’m extra smart and only pose as a fool. And some are there, who believe I’ve too pure a heart, I still have the spark alive and haven’t lost it after coming into the adult world.
For me, I don’t know whom to believe!

6 thoughts on “Swati – ????

  1. Interesting ….Well I think in the 2-3 years that I have known you (I mean from somewhat close quarters..before that we just had that hi-hello relation) I could see myself experiencing all these traits of yours that you have written here.

    Will get back with a more detailed comments later :)…right now I will just say that I have experienced that going with your intuition or inner voice in a spontaneous manner without thinking much about the consequence really makes one happy like laughing when you want to, asking a stranger anything..etc And things don't appear nice because they are nice , they are so because you are nice….So I don't think there is any issue with that.

  2. Frankly..this is just a self glamorizing post.
    So what if you happy within?! World's problems don't end. People still sleep on empty stomachs. It isn't really an achievement on your part.
    Think again. You might find out what you want to give to life (I have intentionally not written 'what you want from life').

  3. @Sandeep: Yes, this is true that such actions are more a consequence of un-thought, instantaneous actions. But, is it right to do that every time? I feel sometimes that I don't know where to draw the line between heart and mind. In mind matters, mind must rule. And, that's what I don't do. 😦

    @Anonymous: I would appreciate more if I would know whose thoughts I'm reciprocating to! I apologize if the post seems boisterous. My intentions were not to publicize my good traits (if the post looks like), but to find out if it's normal or it's just 'me'.
    I understand what you're trying to say though. That one should try and bring a bigger meaning to life than just one ownself. But, I strongly believe that one can only help others when it helps oneself. One cannot continue with something unless one is selfish and is getting something in return. Even if it's only 'satisfaction' which is returned. Do reply with your thoughts on the comment. 🙂

  4. Hello!

    I think the only problem is you know how to live. And of course, the problem is not with you! The problem is for those who don't know beyond all the images we try to put up and attempts at conforming, life is actually very simple!

    There must be number of occasions I must have stated that life is complex, but your post has given me enough fillip to say that! 🙂

    Going through your post, I could only say that you know very well what separates you from the 'average'. And that requires very good insight into one's own self. But why this post, then? If you were trying to justify yourself, 'people' will not be able to understand you. If it was celebration of who you are and what you stand (or do not stand) for, then I'd only say, it was a well-deserved one. 🙂

    Might go through your other posts, too.

    Take care.

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