“Because dreams and reality are different only because of your outlook.”
It’s less than a month that is left for me. Last month to call the place I used to call ‘home’ as my ‘home’. Last month to clean up everything.
Yesterday, I was packing my books into a big box. I’ve collected quite a bit of them, I realised yesterday. MBA preparation books that I’m still hesitant to give away… novels that I’ve bought…some which have been gifted to me…some history books that I would like to read more… There were atleast 3 different cupboards that got empty once I finished. Then, Mom came and said “There are a few of your books in our room as well. Check those out too.” I realised how scattered my stuff had been…….
At dinner, Papa said “Better pick all these up tonight. Don’t keep it pending for tomorrow, as you’ll leave it for the weekend then.” I usually do this and I know he was right. But, there was something else that was bugging me. There was a voice irking me silently. Something that said….”How can you expect me to clean up a mess of 25 yrs in one night? It’s going to take some time.” A sudden lump rose somewhere. I didn’t show it, of course!
Things have suddenly started taking more time than usual. A bag containing my old birthday cards, has been lying in my cupboard since ages. It’s not the first time that I saw them. But, yesterday, I read all of them, at length. Some of them came as a surprise to me. I never realised I had such a card too. The cards reminded me of the beautiful time I had spent with my friends. How deeply we used to feel. Each quote, each line, each comment, was coming out highlighted. Everything is making a new sense these days. Something which is more in the heart section than the brain section of thyself.
It’s not the first time I’m shifting things and moving to a new place, away from home. I knew I’ll have to pack my important things that I may need in my new home. I thought “I’ve moved in and out so many times. I’m pretty much a pro at it now. If not more, then I’ve moved in and out of Noida itself, at least thrice. Then, I went to America. So, it should be quite similar.” But, it’s turning out to be quite different. Something quite unique. A shifting I’ve never done. Each object I touch, it seems like this is the last time I’m going to touch these things this way.
I always used to miss out on things and then ask Papa to courier them to me to Noida later. Now also, I’m not going anywhere so far that courier would be so much a trouble. But, somehow, it doesn’t seem to be that way anymore. It feels essential that you don’t miss out anything.
I think “Love Aaj Kal” is making too much sense to me nowadays. We indeed have become habitual of behaving practical. We feel foolish if we’re behaving or feeling emotional. We deny it outrightly. But, we forget that the emotions are the only thing which make a moment, a time, special. It’s nothing practical or brain-related which makes a moment important. Any achievement, any surprise, any shock is special only because it reached your heart, it touched a cord there.
But, apart from learning these phil stuff, I’ve realised one more thing recently. Something I never thought, never expected out of myself….
I love my family too much, and I’m going to miss them hard. No matter how much brave I show on the front, I’m going to cry hard at my wedding.