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मन का परिंदा कहीं दूर उड़ना चाहे

मन  का  परिंदा  कहीं  दूर  उड़ना  चाहे 
एक  डोर  खींचे  है  तुम्हारी  ओर
एक  डोर  कहे  चल  दूर  चल
छोड़  दे  सब  मोह  माया  को, तोड़  से  सब  रिश्तों  को 
है  सब  यह  एक  मिथ्या  ही, करते  हैं  और  दूर  मंजिल  को 
मन  का  परिंदा  कहीं  दूर  उड़ना  चाहे 
लगता  है  जान  लिया  सब  दुनिया  को , खेल  है  और  कुछ  नहीं 
जानना  है  अब  अपने  अस्तित्व  को , क्यूँ  है  क्या  है  व्यक्तित्व  को 
इच्छा  है  उसे  समझने  की , जिससे  आई  मैं , जिसमें  मिल  जाना  है 
क्यूँ  बनाया  जो  बनाया  उसने , आखिर  ध्येय  क्या  है  इस  जन्म  में 
मन  का  परिंदा  कहीं  दूर  उड़ना  चाहे 
चक्रव्यूह  है , संसार  यह , तोडना  है  या  मिल  जाना  इसमें 
होगा  सब  अब  तेय  यहीं , करना  क्या  है  मुझको  इसमें 
मनुष्य  मैं , है  मुझको  अधिकार , करना  होगा  मुझको  विचार 
मैं  बन  पाऊँ  अनादी  या ………बन  जाऊं  संसार 
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Too much work in office, hence I’m procrastinating. My Dad often says this 

“There are two times when people don’t work. 
1. When they don’t have any work. 
2. When they have too much work and don’t know where to begin”

I’m in the second phase and unable to overcome the limiting friction. Need to get started soon!
Phew! Wish me luck.

And, PS: People who haven’t commented on my post “My puchka on Janmashtami”, I’ll consider them as my personal rivals for my life. So, if you do not post something nice on my son’s so-cute snaps soon, you’ll fall into that category. Even after reading this, if you don’t, I’ll understand that you mean it.”
If you are thinking whether it’s a threat or not, be sure, it is a THREAT!

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Taking the ‘other’ path

There are quite a few unmarried, aged men in our company. They are successful, learned people. They are some of those who are doing exceptionally well in their work. Looking at them, I envy them sometimes. They had the choice to ‘not’ to chose the path of marriage. Not many women in India get that choice, or are mature enough to be able to tread that path.
Many complexities involved, I guess. Emotional as well as Environmental.

But, there’s one more thing that sets these people apart. They don’t crib about their unmarried status. Neither do they think it’s a big thing. They are just at peace with the choice they have made. They are not people with broken hearts and drowning themselves in liquor or stuff. This could be the reason they took that path. But that’s not what defines them now. 

They chose to stream their energies in a better direction. Getting married is not a big deal and not a very fun thing to do. Rather, you’re saving yourself a lot of emotional and societal baggage, which you would have to carry otherwise. Not to mention, bearing with another person whom you not find so fun to be with, in a life-long journey. 

I wish I had that choice. Not that I don’t like being married, but I do think it would have been a tough decision for me. I can’t even say for sure that I would have taken that other way. But, still.

Now, having come this side, the other side is definitely heavily greener for me 😛 🙂

So, all the bachelors out there, chose the right side, before it’s too late 🙂
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Whenever you try to smile, I’ll come back smiling in front of you.
Whenever you want to move on, I’ll come in your path saying a ‘hi’ again.
Whenever you want to grow in your life, I’ll force you to think about me.
I’m the sweet past you cherish, I’m the mocking present.
I’m the hope you live by, I’m the destruction that will lead you to your end.

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Phoenix times

I had a terrible time in US. It was the time when I practically died and was reborn. In those times, I was totally alone. I was totally shattered. I wanted to die but death doesn’t come to those who want it. I wanted to kill myself but that needs a hell lot of courage. I didn’t have that either. The day my SP Jain result came, I went into a trance for almost a week. I don’t remember what happened. I don’t remember what I did in those days. And, it’s not now that I can’t remember it, even then, 2 days later, I couldn’t recollect what had happened in those days. I just remembered the day the result came.
After lot of crying, cursing, sulking, and hitting myself, I gathered myself. I engulfed myself with work. I am glad I had my group of girls around me who supported me by just talking to me. I never told them the mess I was or the mess my life had become, but it was still a healing thing talking to them.

I had lost everything I had. I never followed the world’s rules and always made my own. I doubted my conviction now. I always followed my heart for decisions. I had no heart left in me. I made no decisions anymore. I used to laugh out loud with everyone and anyone. I stopped talking to people. Even the girls I used to talk, I never talked personal things. I just listened to what they had to say. I used to look at guys, I stopped. I used to watch movies, I stopped. I used to enjoy going out, I stopped. I just followed the routine.

I called my parents a few days later and told them I want to get married and you can start looking for a match. They were so relieved, I could feel it in their voice, even when they didn’t say anything about it.

The time for my going back to India came. I reached home after a complete 6 months. 11 January’2009 – 17 June’2009. People used to crib on how different it feels when you return to India from US. I never felt like that. On the contrary, USA felt like a long dream which had ended. Nothing looked changed in India. That’s what home is. Nothing had changed for me in my surroundings…in my external. But, internally, everything had changed. There was nothing left of the girl who went to US 6 months ago.

I used to be a dull girl professionally. My eyes had opened to so many things now. My heart used to be a constant wanderer looking for new pastures. The search had not just ended, it started looking pointless. I always wanted to find love in my life. I now hated the word ‘love’. I disliked slow songs, serious movies, romantic novels. I just liked things practical, worldly.

My dad had been looking for matches for me ever since I told him to. He was looking for them on Jeevansaathi avidly. I came to know the intensity of his search and his dedication only when I returned, when my mom and my brother told me about it. I was anyways, too removed from these things…anything even remotely connected to love.

I had totally succumbed myself to whatever fate had in store for me. I had decided that I would not get love in my life again. Marriage simply means compromises and responsibilities and happiness for my parents. That’s the reason I am going to marry. And, if I am marrying for their happiness, I would not create any fuss on the person they chose.

All this resulted in the fact that, before anyone knew, on 14 August,2009, I was engaged. Not even a month before I had landed back to India. The person chosen for me had nothing I had ever looked for in a boy. He was the kind I wouldn’t even give a second look perhaps, if given a choice. Even before I had met him, I had this clear in my mind.
1. My parents like him and desperately want things to go through.
2. I want my parents to be happy.
So, I let things happen.

But, as they say, whatever happens, happens for good. That’s what happened. I never ever imagined God would be so kind to me. I have never felt so blessed ever before.

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Cute Guy

Met a cute guy in office today…

Actually, a team member caught hold of this shy guy and the first girl he could see on his way was me. He brought him near me, and said this is “Ad*****, SV Expert”. The guy was so red, you should have seen his face.
Reminded me of college…similar incidence…a shy guy, teased by his friends. 😀
I get a hit when I see a guy going red blush. 😀 My husband is one of them.
Heheheh! You can well imagine what I do to him to get that hit. Love to tease him exactly when he can’t take it. Like in public. Now, he’s got used to it a bit. So, the fun’s fading a lil.
But, today was fun. HAHAHA!