I need to write this. I don’t know by the end of this post, I’ll be on the positive side or the other, but I need to get my thoughts sorted out.
My Mother-in-Law is a…. lady. I don’t know what adjective to put there. She’s been too good to me. She’s been the reason of my sorrows at other times. I remember the first night after I got married, I cried. I cried not because I was missing my parents. I cried because she had commented on something my parents had given in marriage to the relatives here…sarees, I guess. All had returned with a negative feedback saying they didn’t like it. I hated it when people/anyone commented on my parents. I hated it when the reason were petty like formalities and gifts. As per me, I never wanted any kind of dowry to be given in my marriage. Despite all efforts, despite heavy fights between me and my father, they did give ‘gifts’ which are supposed to be just gifts and not dowry.
On top of it, she said people didn’t like it, as if expecting me to tell my parents about it. I fought with Tarun on it.
Later, I realised that it’s her habit of saying whatever is on her mind. She doesn’t really care on what’s given and what’s not. She has a habit of saying anything and everything that comes to her mind. A way of off-loading. Hmmmm. But, the incident left a scar somewhere.
We had our own settlement issues. There were lot of times when I was extremely difficult. I wouldn’t say anything about what’s troubling me, but would keep my face low. Extremely low. It was the most disrespectful thing to do. But, that’s what I am. I can’t hide my emotions. If I’ve a problem, and if I can’t say it, my body language will say it.
She has this queer thing of asking everything. What you bought? What you talked? What you do at office? What you eat? She has too many questions. These questions used to irk me a lot. They still do. I have a feeling that these questions are not to poke into me, but only to be a part of our lives. Just to make a conversation sometimes. But, I like to have my own personal life. I can’t explain each and every tit bit to her. While I do try to, whenever I’m in a good mood, I get irritated when am tired myself.
She’s more of a people’s person. She likes to meet people. She like to go out with people. I, on the other hand, like to spend time with my family (me, Tarun and my kid, with papaji-mummyji, at max). She wants to invite people over if we’re planning a get-away. And, if we are reluctant, she starts with her lecture on how we should be open-armed to everyone. One enjoys more with everyone. Since these people are mostly my sisters-in-law and their kids, it’s an amazing time for everyone in the family but me. 😦 I don’t know if it’s my fault that I don’t enjoy as much with them, or is it simply my nature that am reserved.
The part that’s making me worst at the moment is her habit of keep giving me work-orders. Whenever I’m on a holiday or have a weekend, she tries to keep me working all the time. I initially thought that I have a problem with working that’s why I get so irritated. I tried to mend my ways. But, then I realised that even if I finish up the work that’s there in house generally, she cooks up some new work for me. Basically, she doesn’t let me relax. She even tries to know what I do in office. She feels I waste time and come home. These feelings make me terrible and feel like blowing up on the world.
But, I know these are all negative feelings which are coming to the surface right now as the weekend has just passed by.
When I start looking at her good side, they are enumerous too. If it hadn’t been for her, I don’t know where and how my son would have been taken care of. I’m able to work without any issue because she’s taking care of him, and good care of him back home. Me n Tarun even get to catch up on some late-night movie once in a while, because she is there to look after him. These are the benefits none of my friends-with-kids have. And, none of their kids is as well-taken care of. And, also, not to forget the simple things she does to make us happy. She’s not much of a gift-person, but she makes sure to get a bouquet or a gift for me on my bday. She came to know that coz of work, we two couldn’t go out on Valentine’s Day, so she specially made Halwa for us, to commemorate the day. She cries and gets really upset if she sees me crying. She allowed me many things which I know were not easy for her.
Despite all her goodness, I cannot help getting agitated at the small but daily issues I face coz of her habits. She has toned down herself a lot for me in these passing years. She will continue to do if I keep telling her or discuss with amicably. She is just another ageing lady who wants love and attention and respect from her kids.
I hope am able to do justice to her.
God, be with me.