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It’s his birthday today…

It’s my best friend’s birthday today. I just talked to him. It’s so unique a bond that we share. I call him a brother and he’s penned us as ‘Fribro n Frisis’. Friend-cum-sister πŸ™‚

I had written about how I have been juggling of deciding whether to talk to him or stop being in touch at all. I have stopped counting how many times I have decided to stop all conversations. But, every time when he thinks of me (that’s how I think it works), I can’t stop myself from calling, or reaching him out. I get some kind of telepathic signal and I feel like talking to him.
Tarun doesn’t like us to be in touch. He doesn’t like me to be emotionally dependent on anyone but him. In these two years, I have tried to understand him, his reason behind it, and whether convinced or not, have followed him. I stopped talking to all my male friends, as in, the same way as I used to be. My contact with them is minimal. I have distanced myself I never thought was possible for me. I am the most asocial person anyone knows now. My office people don’t even know there was a different Swati that existed ever before.
But, it’s better that way. But, in case of Fribro, all rules stop to work.
Last time, I and Tarun talked on this subject, he had asked me Β to stop all conversations with him. Before this, he was okay with my calling him once in a while, (not every week/day as it used to be). Last time, I had planned to meet him when I was gone to my Mom’s place…without telling Tarun about it. I chickened out of that meeting. I couldn’t do it. But, somehow, Tarun came to know of my now-dead-plans. He got really angry and asked me to stop any communication, whatsoever.Β 

Today, it’s Β a holiday for my office but I’m still here. The moment I entered office premises, the thought of meeting Fribro came to mind. It was strong, really strong. I knew if I asked him to come, he’ll. All I had to do was just say it. But, I couldn’t do it. When his call came, I told him about my now-dead-again-plans. He told me he was planning the same yesterday, but didn’t do it because he wasn’t sure if I would be in office or not. He had no way of confirming it.Β 
I am glad he didn’t. Just like I didn’t.

This path of truth is so difficult. This path has no way of showing it’ll end in roses at the end. It’s just my belief in two things – 1. I don’t want lies to come in my relationship with my husband. 2. I don’t want my relationship with my brother to get dirty by any lies. It has been so pure ever since I know, that I want it to remain like that. There’s nothing wrong I did by being friends with him. A girl and a boy can be friends even without any platonic angle involved in it. Β Why should I lie to be with him? I’m not being wrong in talking to him, or meeting him, so why should I lie about it?!

It’s my belief that things will come around. They have to. We just have to wait for it. It’s been two years since I married Tarun. It’s been almost 3 years since I last met my Fribro. Our friendship, our emotions for each other, are still the same. I know, if I need him, he’s just a call away. And, he won’t ask for any reasons for staying out of touch, to forward a hand of help for me.Β 
If any of us feels like there’s nothing to wait for, the calls will stop. The end comes every time I put the phone down. But, it’s never the end. πŸ™‚
God, I will wait. If I’m right, I’ll win at the end. And, I’ll tell Anay about my Fribro one day with pride.


6 thoughts on “It’s his birthday today…

  1. A relationship that gives you so much comfort should never be given up on…and truth-lies, it is all relative….

    what doesn't hurt anyone and brings us peace is often bigger truth no matter what it is garbed in. You are a lucky girl to have such a friendship but remember it is very difficult to change the mindset of husbands…especially when they get to know that you are this dependent on another guy emotionally…

    Take small cautious steps and remember you can't make everyone happy every time:-)

  2. Lets see how long it goes. We both are waiting. I am waiting for him to accept it and he is waiting for me to let it go. πŸ™‚
    I think the deciding point will come when my friend gets married. I won't miss the occasion. If I do, it means he won. If I don't, then it means he did. πŸ™‚ Biding my time.

  3. Dear Swati,
    This is all part of growing up , in marriage
    I can only say that one should know to make oneself happy, without hurting others
    And i too feel, it is next to impossible to make husbands understand such a matter, if they are opposed to the idea of the wife having males as friends.. Thats the fact..
    And I really believe we should not compromise ourselves so much as to die within.. it wont make a woman happy.. and unless she is happy she cant spread happiness in the family and around..
    Love and Hugs πŸ™‚

  4. hmmmm…i hope you've kept this blog private from him πŸ˜› just kidding….donno why it happens but i've also seen this happening around me…hope u get what you want πŸ™‚ and just like someone said above…truth-lies its all what makes you feel happy..its too tough to keep everyone happy around us :)stay happy πŸ˜›

  5. Hehehe. He doesn't read me so yes, it's safe-guarded from him. But to tell you the truth, he doesn't need to read my blog to know my thoughts. He knows it already. At least I think that way, or feel that way. πŸ™‚
    I once had a feeling, if some day, he comes and stabs me at my back, then I would not believe even God that he did it. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜›
    As for being happy, well, trust me I am. πŸ™‚

  6. So true Piggy. I have actually seen it in my world, in my life, that if I'm not happy, my whole world(my husband, my in-laws), they all get unhappy. Whether they know the reason or not, its kind of an instant process. So, I understand the importance of a woman's happiness.
    With all of you telling me to go my heart's way, I hope I don't end up doing what I want to do. πŸ˜› The only thing that stops me is that I know when Tarun comes to know of it, he'll be shattered. We've never differed so much on any subject to go separate ways. Either he submitted to me or I submitted to him. I never calculated who submitted more. But, I guess that's something one should never do in a relationship, either. It's a big dilemma for me, which way to go.

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