Cross Roads

I have been holding myself back from writing anything about this latest phase of my life. It’s a little personal to be sharing it with the world. But, am letting myself out here. That’s the only thing I can do now. Too much thoughts crowding my mind and I need to flush it out.

As the recent events have occurred, I and Tarun have decided to relocate to Bangalore. After my low phase going on for a long time, Tarun decided it was time for me to take the switch and go for the company located in Bangalore. To cut the long story short, he decided to continue his work in his current company and take the option of WFH. So, he’ll be working out of home from Bangalore, keeping an eye on the maid we’ll hire for Anay and I would join the Verification Industry again, moving back from the Validation background I opted for, at Cadence.

Well, it was the opportunity of a life time. I would get to move out of my in-laws house which I so wanted, always wanted. I get to make a house of my own. I get to raise my kid my way. I get to lead my life my way. Yes, I am not happy with the risk/ downturn we’re taking for Tarun’s career. He says it’s fine for him and it’s all fine if it’s helping me in my career. But, am not satisfied with the counter-reasoning.

Then, there is something in me which is telling me that it’s running away from the problem. I know I’m getting an amazing hike. I know I am getting the dream position I always hoped and ached for. But, there is something inside me which is still not happy. Perhaps, it’s because I know it’s not best for Tarun. Perhaps, it’s because I know there is a big risk involved in the decision and things may just come down crumpling. Perhaps, it’s because I know the escape from the in-laws is temporary and rather a big mirage. No matter for how much time we go, they would keep doing what they do here too..interfere.

Then there are the equations at my current company. I liked working here. The organization is good. The manager is a really good woman. The work-timings are perfect for me to spend good time taking care of my family and giving time for my office. The work was good too and I still had things I wanted to learn and explore in here. I liked the respect you get at a Product company. I vowed never to get back to service industry when I moved from HCL. I am breaking the vow only because Tarun thinks it’s the best decision to make.

But, then there’s the chance of moving to USA if we move back to Verification background. I can get a job any day if I have a verification profile.

Phew! There are lot of wishes, there are lot of dreams and all cannot be fulfilled. I need to chose which is the most prime. And the prime most is to have a home of myself. My freedom. Today, Tomorrow, Forever.

I know the only way to get it is to talk to parents. But, Tarun knows that no matter when we talk, how we talk, how much we sugar-coat our reasons, how much we validate our reasons to them, it’ll hurt them. Deeply. And none of us want to do that.

O Lord, give me some way out. Some middle way out and solve this misery of my life.
Maybe moving to Bangalore is the best decision and maybe things will improve when we return.

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