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I feel peace

I have been meaning to write it, but have been fearing that I may jinx it by saying it. Hope I don’t.

But, with Calypto, I feel like I found peace at work. The constant urge of finding my place, of finding where I can understand my part, as well as the company’s agenda, where I’m not just doing some job, but that job is useful and crucial to the company also. It seems like it ended here. 

They don’t have many PV people here. I am the second one in my team, including another fresher (M.Tech). So, in a way, I own the responsibility of PV. I am able to add value to the team and it’s decisions. I am able to think beyond the stated task, on what extra I can do to add value to the task. 

And, the task is totally new to what I have already done. So, that means, I get to grow. 

That, in a way, perfectly matches my definition of good work.

There are good times and there are low times. I feel elated by the recognition of my work, even if its in small measures. But, I can feel a place in my team for myself. 

I want to do more. I want to learn more. I want to give more. 

And, that’s the way it should be.

Thank You God.

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Say Your Name

<I’m taking the topic from Daily Prompt Challenge>

My name is Swati. It’s a Hindi word which means multiple things. It is the star nearest to the Moon. It is also supposedly the name of a constellation. The mythical, extremely-precious jewel a snake preserves is also called Swati. And ya, the first drop of the first rains is also called Swati.

I like the last two meanings the most. It feels good to know you’re precious. You’re unique. I think I identify the most with ‘unique’ because of course, it’s unique 😛 Well, jokes apart. I think that trait has been a constant endeavor in my life Every day, everything, every small detail makes me yearn for uniqueness.

Whether it’s in what dress I chose : I never follow what all others are wearing. What’s in vogue, what every other girl has. Rather, I go for those which I find different from what I’ve already worn. Maybe a new color, maybe a new design. Anything but different.

Whether it’s in what name I chose for my son: I loved the name ‘Anay’. One of my friends in US had kept her son’s name as Anay. I had never heard anyone having that name in India. Now, that every other child is named starting from ‘A’ and so many children named Anay/Ananya, I am seriously  contemplating on changing it.

Whether it’s in what I do: I don’t have much choice in my profession because that’s the bread and butter. But, I definitely have the choice of what I do in my alternate world, when I chose my pipeline. And, I think I’ve definitely  chosen something totally parallel.

I do think that your name has an impact on your personality, on your life in the bigger picture. What do you think? Can you relate to it or you think that’s totally bogus a thought.

Smiles,

Hope

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Gully Cricket

We had a gully cricket tournament in out office. It was a fun thing organized by our internal fun committee. They made all the new joinees as the captains so as to make them interact and mingle with the employees. So, I was also one of the captain.

We had lots of fun. Shouting, fighting, abusing the referee, laughing at other’s faults. Pure, full fun. 🙂

But, now, I’ve a soar knee. It hurts bad. And, I’ve another match today.
And ya, my team lost. We were an all-girls team. And, we put up a great show. 🙂

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Run Away

I want to go to US and settle there. Baki jo hoga dekha jayega. Chahe job chhodni pade, I don’t care. I just want to get out of this bullshit.

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Random post

I’ve this queer thing. Wherever we go, a new place, for vacation or for work, or anything, I start to think on if we could shift there. Live there. 😛

Sounds totally stupid. So naive. Some may say, so girlish. (associating the term ‘girl’ to stupid, immature and silly, ‘Of Course!’)

I don’t know why I feel that. Perhaps it’s the traveller in me which wants to go and see new places. Perhaps it’s the writer in me which wants to observe new people, live in a new place. Perhaps its the wanderer in me which doesn’t want to stay put at one place.

Yes, I think ‘wanderer’ is the term that best suits me. For now. Till I don’t narrow down to the real problem there.

Tarun often laughs over it. When we went to Chandigarh for a short weekend trip, got stuck with that. Before that, we had visited Bangalore for his office visit, and I wanted to think of options on settling there. I went to US before and I still yearn on living there.  Last weekend, we went to a relative’s place over the weekend, for a wedding, and I was thinking of how life would be living there. Co-incidentally, it is the same place we were living in when I got married. 😀 No, Of course I didn’t mention the thought to Tarun. No, I’m not mad for thinking of how life would be there. Basically, it has undergone a real makeover since the time we moved out of that place. And, it has become quite a nice place to be living in. Except that I know that the gentry is still the same and I have already dropped the idea from my mind.

But, forget the last part. The point of the post is that I really want to live in different places in this lifetime. I don’t want the boring, known, monotonous life of living in NCR. I know Bangalore proved a failure attempt but for me it was a great experience. I learned so much. I met so many new people. I made great friends, perhaps friends for life. I saw a new way of living and I carry some bit of it in my life now too.

Wouldn’t it be great if it was a rule to shift from your current location every once a year. It will be so good. People will have less cluttered houses. They will have the option of choosing new neighbors. They can forget that they had a tussle with the old newspaper vendor and start afresh. They will know what are the common problems one faces in setting a new house and they will have kept everything handy. Plus, you get to visit a new place. A NEW PLACE!!! A new country. New ethnicity. New culture. New ways of enjoying n celebrating.

Life would be so much fun. 🙂 Smiling in my dream-world.

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Can’t believe it

I had discussed my idea with Tarun before but he didn’t give it much thought then. Yesterday, I brought it up again and he seems interested. He even asked me again in the morning to dig up some details. :O
Can’t believe my luck. It seems like this is actually gonna work.

🙂 🙂 Yayyyy!

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It’s an old post I wrote to my best friend but never sent. Putting it here, where it’s not lost.

—-

Hi,

It’s been long since I talked to you…talked heart-to-heart. Talked truly. I am missing you today. I am missing the times when we could share everything without thinking of the consequences. And, what were the consequences!? A heart free of agonies, a mind free from the load of the world of worries? I never regret sharing my life with you. Perhaps, I could share it so freely only because we were so distant and yet so close. There was no judging involved. You were just a friend who could go away if you wished to. Things were free from the complexities of the society, the world, the relationships etc etc. I am so glad it was that way. Else, I would have lost you too, just like I lost so many others.
I feel like talking the whole day to you. Tell you all that you missed. Tell you all that I felt. Tell you the way it is, without any fear of being judged. Without the fear of being ridiculed or being criticized for thinking that way, of feeling that way. Tell you the most internal truth of me. The real me. I don’t remember the last time I let the ‘me’ come out. It used to be so out in the open initially. Marriage has taught me to be discrete. It’s taught me to be private. It has forced me to live the dual life that everyone lives. The life I never wanted to have. The adulthood I never wanted to step in.
I wonder if the spark that was within me has ended. I remember having it in me. I would love to believe that it hasn’t. But, am not sure. I know I have changed. I know I have grown up. Whether I like it or not, whether I wished it or not, that’s an irrevocable process that has happened to me. Just like motherhood.
—-
The feelings are so similar even today. About growing up, about maturing up….about losing the child.
I can reflect on my life gone by and see how people wish the child in you to grow up and save them the oddities….caused by your upfront comment. But, actually, that’s exactly what they liked or enjoyed in you. Now, when I’ve grown up, learnt to say the right things at the right places, I feel like I’m part of the mass. What’s the difference in talking to me or talking to any other person? Just a slight difference of opinion on mundane worldly issues. The thing that defined me was the open-heart. The world closed it. At least it definitely has been curtained. What does the world get in making so many clones? Why are people not left to be themselves? Can we, the people of the society, really let people be themselves? Is it part of being civilized humans or is it part of becoming ‘social’.
Whatever it is, it’s a pity. Society really needs to evolve.