As T is getting more aggressive and decided on starting his venture, I’m feeling the need to be with my family. I’m feeling the need to be with my son. To be there for him. I know he will be well-taken care of, well loved and tendered, even without me, but, what’s parenting if ‘parents’ are not involved in the growth of the child.
Living with in-laws, a woman (working, more so) can drift to being not there at all, for the child. My routine is such that while I have time to spend with my child, there’s no activity that I’m totally involved with, with him. That is, I can think and do something with him but there’s nothing which is have-to-do-and-can’t-skip thing, involving him and me.
When we return from office, if we return by 7, I get around half-an-hour before I can start with the dinner. If we get later than that, then I don’t get that time also. I immediately have to rush and get into the kitchen. It’s not that my MIL is waiting for me to come and prepare dinner. She does the preparation if we are late. But, from my time-table, the half-hour gone is the half-hour-of-rest gone. After finishing dinner, clearing the kitchen, cleaning A’s bottles, I’m tired. By this time, it’s already 10.00. And, it’s super active time for A. He plays with his grand-parents, going to-and-fro between our room and theirs. In this time, me and T would chat about whatever the day has been. Then, we would doze off. I know, perhaps, this is the time when I should try and spend some time with A. But, having no concrete plan of what-to-do with him, I doze off to sleep.
A’s eating, playing, book-reading, watching him play, listening to his broken-yet-perfect sentences, is all done by T, MIL or FIL. I’m listening from a far-away-land called kitchen, and smiling. But, A doesn’t see me. For all I know, I don’t exist in his life. I’m yet another Aunty who cooks and sleeps in their house.
Things were very much different in Bangalore. With no one else with us, it was all on us to take him to park, run around the house to play with him, feed him. He would also have no option and run around the house looking for you in the kitchen or the balcony, picking clothes or hanging washed clothes. His life was inter-woven with mine. Preparing his breakfast was my responsibility. Making sure nutrients are going to him is my responsibility.
I know I couldn’t have done it without T. If, he decides to get into business, he would need a lot of his time for that. He will not have time or patience to spend on A, which he loves to do right now.
If we continue with our in-laws, things will continue. I’ll have more time to spend with T and assist him in his business. A will be taken care of by MIL, just like she has always been taking care of. I can perhaps finally become the Entrepreneur that I so dream of. The perfect dream for any ambitious woman. Independence, rising high, going up the ladder.
But, that’s not what I want. I want to be the Mother of A first. First First First thing that I am in the multitude of things that a woman is. Then, I want to be the wife supporting her husband’s venture, and then a successful-entrepreneur whose going up in life (rising the ladder n everything).
I see a dream (during the day :P) where me, T and A are settled in Chandigarh. Me, a home-maker. Taking care of the two most important people of my life. Making a home for them. Making sure they are well-fed. Listening to their happenings of the day. And, managing everything from my home office.
(If I ever share this with my Mom, she’ll call this another one of my dreams of a romantic world, page-3 people inspired)
(If I tell this to my Dad, he would point me to how I’ll never be able to be happy as a housewife. How respect is lost for the woman and how she loses her independence and worth. And, how I can get all that without leaving job too)
(If I tell it to T, he’ll tell me to wait for a week, and talk/think about it again 😛 :D)