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Another Day, Another Dream

As T is getting more aggressive and decided on starting his venture, I’m feeling the need to be with my family. I’m feeling the need to be with my son. To be there for him. I know he will be well-taken care of, well loved and tendered, even without me, but, what’s parenting if ‘parents’ are not involved in the growth of the child.

Living with in-laws, a woman (working, more so) can drift to being not there at all, for the child. My routine is such that while I have time to spend with my child, there’s no activity that I’m totally involved with, with him. That is, I can think and do something with him but there’s nothing which is have-to-do-and-can’t-skip thing, involving him and me.

When we return from office, if we return by 7, I get around half-an-hour before I can start with the dinner. If we get later than that, then I don’t get that time also. I immediately have to rush and get into the kitchen. It’s not that my MIL is waiting for me  to come and prepare dinner. She does the preparation if we are late. But, from my time-table, the half-hour gone is the half-hour-of-rest gone. After finishing dinner, clearing the kitchen, cleaning A’s bottles, I’m tired. By this time, it’s already 10.00. And, it’s super active time for A. He plays with his grand-parents, going to-and-fro between our room and theirs. In this time, me and T would chat about whatever the day has been. Then, we would doze off. I know, perhaps, this is the time when I should try and spend some time with A. But, having no concrete plan of what-to-do with him, I doze off to sleep.

A’s eating, playing, book-reading, watching him play, listening to his broken-yet-perfect sentences, is all done by T, MIL or FIL. I’m listening from a far-away-land called kitchen, and smiling. But, A doesn’t see me. For all I know, I don’t exist in his life. I’m yet another Aunty who cooks and sleeps in their house. 

Things were very much different in Bangalore. With no one else with us, it was all on us to take him to park, run around the house to play with him, feed him. He would also have no option and run around the house looking for you in the kitchen or the balcony, picking clothes or hanging washed clothes. His life was inter-woven with mine. Preparing his breakfast was my responsibility. Making sure nutrients are going to him is my responsibility.

I know I couldn’t have done it without T. If, he decides to get into business, he would need a lot of his time for that. He will not have time or patience to spend on A, which he loves to do right now. 

If we continue with our in-laws, things will continue. I’ll have more time to spend with T and assist him in his business. A will be taken care of by MIL, just like she has always been taking care of. I can perhaps finally become the Entrepreneur that I so dream of. The perfect dream for any ambitious woman. Independence, rising high, going up the ladder.

But, that’s not what I want. I want to be the Mother of A first. First First First thing that I am in the multitude of things that a woman is. Then, I want to be the wife supporting her husband’s venture, and then a successful-entrepreneur whose going up in life (rising the ladder n everything).

I see a dream (during the day :P) where me, T and A are settled in Chandigarh. Me, a home-maker. Taking care of the two most important people of my life. Making a home for them. Making sure they are well-fed. Listening to their happenings of the day. And, managing everything from my home office. 

(If I ever share this with my Mom, she’ll call this another one of my dreams of a romantic world, page-3 people inspired)

(If I tell this to my Dad, he would point me to how I’ll never be able to be happy as a housewife. How respect is lost for the woman and how she loses her independence and worth. And, how I can get all that without leaving job too)

(If I tell it to T, he’ll tell me to wait for a week, and talk/think about it again 😛 :D) 

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‘Mother’

I went to Nehru Planetarium over the weekend. My SILs children were visiting. I thought it would be good for them. Took Anay too. I had ‘mistakenly’ thought it would be good initiation for him. 😛 Well, Ya, I guess it’s too early for him. All the time, he was like ‘chalein – chalein -chalein’ 

Anyways, in the little time when he kept his calm and I could listen to the movie playing there, I came to know that Venus is considered incapable of life because it has carbon dioxide clouds forming in its environment. These clouds don’t let the heat cross out and makes the temperature of the planet as high at night, as during the day. This is precisely what Greenhouse effect is.

While I had heard and read about the Greenhouse effect, the meaning of it dawned on me only after watching the video. It showed how Venus’s climate is almost boiling with a temperature of 450 degrees, varying a little here and there.

If our insanity and our ways of living continue, our future generations maybe living in a similar climate.

I’m sure they would have found some alternative technologies with which there homes, roads, offices are all well-moderated with ACs etc etc. And, they will be living a so-called-comfortable life. They won’t be getting an opportunity of going out in the sun and playing cricket in open fields, like we do today. But, then, what’s the big deal. After all, we also don’t get so many things that our parents enjoyed. Remember their boasting of big gardens of mangoes in their villages, where they could run and eat as many mangoes as they wanted, while here we are, cutting one mango after dinner, for the whole family to eat.

But then, what about these floods, earthquakes, tsunamis which are now getting rampant on Earth? Will they be able to handle those too? Just like we are able to ‘handle’ them now? Hundreds of people die because of a calamity. The calamity is supposedly ‘natural’ , something we cannot control. We put up status messages feeling sorry for the loss of people. Some of us will share a relief number where people can reach to find out about the lost ones. Some more thoughtful ones will pray silently for the people stuck. One out of 1000 will go ahead and generate donations. 

But, in the midst of all this, I want to ask, is it really a natural calamity. Is that all that we can do? Is it not something that has been looming over the folks living in Himalayan ranges for long? Was it not known already that if Deforestation continued, if creation of dams on the wrong rivers, without analyzing the impacts, was continued, this would be the end result? Read the article for more info

(http://www.thehindubusinessline.com/opinion/columns/rasheeda-bhagat/had-we-chipkoed-to-his-warnings/article4846892.ece?fb_action_ids=10152918000480276&fb_action_types=og.likes)

When do we say ‘enough’. When do we ‘actually’ stop doing what we are doing and come up with something that puts an end to this madness. In the name of growth, by continuously exploiting the Mother Nature, we cannot grow. When will Man understand that Man cannot exist without Nature. He has to be in balance, on equal terms with Nature. 

If you read about ancient civilizations of Mankind, you’ll come to know that most of them were wiped out because of some ‘natural’ calamity (actually, at a time when Nature could no more hold them on herself). The over-utilization of resources, only taking and no giving to nature, they had to take the ‘wrath’ of nature.

Is the Nature really to blame?

Is there no way to end this down-path? 

 

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MIL sees a dream

This is soo funny. Actually, it’s funny in a sadist way.

My MIL sees a dream this other day. where she’s moving out of the house because we no longer want to stay together. And, it’s a mutually-accepted decision because it gives each of us more freedom and a harmonious life. And, we’re arguing over some point of who lives where. I’m saying something like that I won’t work in this kitchen, it’s so small…whatever whatever.

Any comments anyone?!

<Mr.God, would you like to comment?>

<Epiphany: Did she really see this dream? Or, was it a way of putting forward ‘her’ wish>

PS: She has no inkling of my personal feelings (At least that’s what we like to believe! )on this issue. Whatever I blabber on it is either on my blog or to my poor-husband.

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Never say bad things about people

My grand-MIL is visiting us these days. She was talking to me yesterday. She hardly gets time with me as mostly, when she come to our place, I’ve a fixed and busy routine during week-days. And, co-incidentally, either she left by the time weekend came, or I had to go somewhere for the weekend. So, yesterday, I made sure to stay with her. I could feel from her eyes that she wants to spend time with her youngest daughter-in-law.

She is into spirituality and likes to talk about that. She feels it’s important that it’s passed on to the younger generation by those who really understand the ‘real-thing’. They believe that their Guru had a real ‘enlightenment’ and they were lucky to get his teachings while he was alive. No offense to their belief. I’m yet to believe in his ideology, though.

Anyway, the post is not about the ‘talk’ she had with me. The post is about the prologue to the talk. To start our discussion, to get me to really listen to her, she decided to praise me. And, the only thing she could come up with was, comparison to the other DIL. The DIL of the daughter she’s living with. 😛 😀

Not getting into the details of how she was bad and I’m so-called good, I don’t like it. I’ve been taught to -‘never say bad things about anybody’

This has been taught to me by a dear friend of mine and not by my parents. And, am proud of the fact. But, seriously, why do we need to say ill things about anybody. It’s not anger for that person that she was doing it. It was to make conversation. Imagine! Purely to start a conversation.

And, honestly, many of us do that. We do it at work to break inhibitions or to get friendly with the person sitting next. To make space in our  team. To make friends with the new neighbor. We supposedly are getting the person, or ourselves, up to date with the happenings around us.  And, frankly, I’ve used it myself. <ashamed>

But, that’s bad. It brings our bad trait out. It keeps us on a look-out for bad things in people. Rather than looking and learning for positive things in people, we become a sucker of negative energies. We start feeling a hidden motive behind simple or innocent acts of people.

If you actually follow the mantra – You’ll actually start finding so much happiness and positive things in your life and around you. And, you would actually know when things are really bad around you. When you’re in a bad company and need to move out. And, when it’s pure rant and no base.

Try the mantra, and you’ll see a very happy change in your life. 🙂

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Limiting Friction

How much can the limiting friction be?

I’ve been meaning to, planning to, working to join a dance class/yoga class since almost a month. If not a month, then for a good 15 days at least. I’m resolutely working towards it.

Talked to couple of dance classes near work. Didn’t work out.

Found out some near home. Called, checked, confirmed…

Talked to Tarun, went to visit the place, check out the facility n stuff.

Everything is set. Even created a platform at home with MIL so that she doesn’t have any issues with our joining it.

Now, the only thing remaining is for it to become final. That’s not happening.

I mean, all set, and still not happening.

In Physics, there is a  term ‘Limiting Friction’ which is the friction which comes right before you set into motion. It’s supposed to be more than the static friction or motion friction that you feel when in motion.

But, how much more can it be!?

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Read to get drunk

Mostly people, in most parts of the world, drink alcohol to get over their pain, forget their worries, get over the bad day they had.

Since we’re not allowed to drink/we don’t drink, I read a book. Any of my old, favorite novels. A world of words always consumes me and makes me forget the worldly worries, waiting for me the next day. For the moment, in the night, I am peaceful because I’m not in this world. I’m in the fictional world.

And, that’s what I like the best.

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Count your blessings

Today I was talking to the guy who handles the canteen here at our office.
He is a nice man, does his work well. I don’t think they earn a lot because of the rampant man-labor available in India.

I was just chatting with him about where he is from, where his family is. I came to know that he is married with kids and wife staying back in his home town. He goes to his home only in 6 months or so. This is when he has his house in Uttaranchal which he can reach in an overnight journey from here. But, if he keeps spending on travel then how will he save.

I asked why don’t you bring your kids and wife here? He says they won’t be able to settle here. They will have to live in a rental place here (which of course, is additional cost), while they have their own place back home. Then, if they come here, then there will be no one to take care of the house or land or whatever they have back in hometown.
I know these are all surface issues he gives to every other person who asks him that.

I then asked, why don’t you get some job there and live with them? People should live with family. He says they are able to live well there because I’m sending money from here. Else, how would they. And when I ask on why he can’t find a job there? He shrugs it away saying ‘Aap mujhe confuse mat karo’ (Please don’t confuse me with all this)

I know there are too many complications. To say that they are getting an independent, free life here, is actually like laughing on their problems. After a certain age, these things don’t matter and if someone is living away from their family, then he/she has a very compelling reason to.

On the other side of the coin are we, the well-fed, well-educated, ambitious people. We laugh at people who don’t move out of homes because they want to live with their parents. We scorn at those who leave a lush job because he wanted to stay close to family/parents. We dream of getting a job away from family, where we can explore the new worlds, new societies, enjoy independence.

One never realizes the importance of what one has, till they lose it.
We don’t even realize what all we’re taking for granted, till it’s snatched away from us.

Cherish the times you get watching your son giggle away over silly nothings with his dad. There are lot many who never get to enjoy a simple, regular evening like that.
Count your blessings and thank your stars for giving you such a routine life.