Some trivial thing happened in the lunch time. And, my spirit to work is lost for the day. So, am lazying around, passing my second half of work away. My manager, who sits right in the next block, and can see my screen anytime of the day, is mostly away for meetings. So, that’s another bonus.
My US-mania is back and in full form. Yesterday again, I tried to pump Tarun to try a life in US. One of my dear friends, almost the only friend, from childhood, just returned from a office-trip from Singapore. She and her husband also work in the same company (both MBAs). So, both of them were gone to s’pore. The husband says that he wants to live separately from his parents. They have so much expectations from us, all our time is wasted in meeting relatives etc whom we never enjoy to meet. And, still, parents are unhappy that we don’t do enough. He wants an independent, free life.
My friend, who would love to take the option, cannot, because their child is small and she cannot work if no one’s there to take care of him. So, they cannot live separately.
Everyone in the world feels the need for this freedom. I don’t know if Tarun is a different species or if he doesn’t admit it because I so vehemently ask for it. I don’t have any problems with them. I just want my personal space. I want to try making my life my way. Want to make my own mistakes and raise my child my way. I don’t want anyone else to put blame on. I don’t want anyone else to take credit for it. I hate it when I’m told that they take care of him ‘for me’. I simply ‘hate’ it.
Sometimes, I wonder if it’s only me who’s so restless. Or, is it the girl-factor that makes me so restless and dreamy-eyed (word most commonly used by my Mom). Or, is it the age that makes me that. Or, maybe I’m just bored and my mind cooks up dreams during the day to while away the time! 😀
Well Well. Whatever it is, I don’t want to let it go. I want to keep it, cage it, imprison it, if I can. Sometimes I have this strong urge that tells me that if I didn’t go forward and talk to my in-laws about living separately, then perhaps I’ll never be able to. This is ‘the’ time when I can say it. When I can actually say it in a way that makes them understand that it’s not because of them, but it’s just because of ‘me’. Why is it ‘the’ time? Coz, I’m most happy with them right now. There’s no hurt or problems under the surface that I would have to lie them about. I can be candid and truthful when I say for a second home.
I don’t want to abandon my responsibilities. I don’t want to let them suffer in their old-age while we enjoy somewhere. I want to be around. I just want to have my own space when things are smooth. I just want a personal space where I can make my own home and see if I can keep it or not. I want to try make a ‘home’ and also seek their help, if need be. Seek the guidance while they are still there than face those issues after they are gone.
It’s not running away from the problem. It’s a thinking for the future. It’s something that I would do even for my son, when the time comes. It’s a kind of a sacrifice from a parent’s perspective. But, it’s a great learning opportunity that you give to your child while you’re still there to help him through it. I wonder if many parents can do that. I don’t know if it’s right to expect them to do that.
But, I definitely feel it’s the right thing to do.