With all the not-so-real reality shows and all the bollywood movies feeding on love, one would believe that you know everything about it. So much so, that we even know what will happen next in our relationship (We saw it happen same to that TV actress’s relationship in that serial, right?)
Having my fair share of infatuations, crushes, relations, etc etc etc and finally getting married, I feel (not sure, though!) like I know the whole cycle of the thing called ‘love’.
You know, as life goes, and we go from the phase of dreaming of love -> finding someone special -> being in a relationship -> [break-up] -> getting married, our definition of love keeps changing.
(PS : [ ] means that’s optional. Also, didn’t mention the feedback loop from breakup to back to dreaming love.)
So, I can only talk of myself or of whatever bits and pieces I’ve heard of people’s love lives. And, for me, love changed from
1. finding someone who would adore me totally right from day one till eternity. Who loves me with all the bad things and still likes me for whatever good there is. <I didn’t know what that good could be>
2. <after finding the supposed-someone-special> understanding each other to the core most, taking him/her to the best of his/her potential, be the epitome of a good-support-system that ever can be. Totally living upto the cliche ‘Behind every successful man is a woman’. Not expecting, just giving. Love meant commitment, no matter what happened, no matter what crime the other person did, it meant giving up everything that you ever wished for, or your parents wished for, for a simple desire of the other one.
3. <after break-up> Love is the biggest disaster that happens to anyone. It’s a lifelong regret that whoever is stuck with, will have to live with. It just brings tears and temporary happiness. In the end, you end up feeling extremely foolish and there’s not a penny wiser that you got. If it was supposed to be a learning experience, then I don’t think I’ve really got your point, God!. If that’s love, please stay away from me, as far as possible. Hate those romantic songs, hate those poems n v-day gifts people keep wasting time n energy on. ‘Big Dhanda, Man! Trust me! ‘
4. Marriage (courtship period, initial few weeks/month): Love doesn’t exist. It’s just an arranged alliance that we both are committing to. We should not keep any romantic expectations out of it. It’s all a responsibility. Wow, the fool thinks he ‘loves’ me. Well, good for him. Let him enjoy the phase. Let an year pass, he’ll understand the foolishness of it all.
5. Marriage (after 1-yr): [Perhaps the most beautiful phase of Love] We’re together. He makes me laugh and I make him smile. He appreciates me when I get ready, I appreciate him when he handles family drama in a mature way. I like his company. He likes mine. More than anyone else’s.
I don’t know if it’s love or not. I don’t know if in Bollywood sense it’s love or not. I was not looking for love. I didn’t know if the person will be able to stand up to my standards of my-dream-guy. Perhaps, he doesn’t. I didn’t realize but somewhere, at some point of time, the standards went out the window. I’m happy with this guy.
As per the industry standards, he should be getting me flowers if he loves me. He doesn’t.
He should be buying me loads of gifts. He doesn’t.
He should be spending hours thinking of me and should go knee-weak whenever he sets his eyes on me. Well, I don’t think he’s a freak and Thank-God for that.
Moral of the story: In the end, I can say, stop expecting, stop analyzing. If you’ve not found your special someone or you’re not able to marry your someone, it’s not the end of the world. Love is not about a person. It’s about ‘you’ . Your happiness. If you decide to sulk over him/her and spoil your future, then it’s your stubbornness keeping you unhappy, not love.