Life’s been going busy, just as I mentioned. Now, there are moments, like right now, when I can feel my fingers aching due to too much typing, or too fast typing since too long. But, for writing a blog post….you can always find some energy.
After long while, I was talking to a friend of mine, where I was telling her about how my life was going great but the family thing is missing. Anay is taken care of but there’s no ‘me’ in his care-taking. I feel a lot is missing.
I spoke to my Mom. She has been a working woman herself. She said that it’s a temporary phase where your work demands are more and your career needs attention. Once it’ll pass, you can get back to your son. And, he’s well taken care of in the meanwhile. He won’t miss a thing.
I saw a post shared on FB where a man sleeps peacefully with his daughter and feels like he’s the best dad in the world. But, the Mom, on the contrary, has all those negative thoughts on how she’s not doing a good job of a mother. How she’s on a guilt trip all the time.
I talked to a friend. She explained how these guilt trips are part n parcel of a working woman’s life. Rather, I should look for specific things that I wish to do with Anay and then try to create time space for him.
Perhaps that’s the closest I am to a solution. Perhaps that’s the key. But, none of these provide me with peace.
My heart keeps countering that perhaps I could have spent better time with him if we were alone, separate. Right now, he finds too many people as an alternate to me. That’s why he doesn’t come to me.
But, deep within my heart, I know these are all excuses. There are always some positives and some negatives of any kind of setup, whether nuclear or joint. So, the real problem is that ‘I’ need to find ways to spend time with him. ‘I’ need to create work and time which I can do with him.
I hope am able to work on those. And, find the peace within the mother’s heart.