Diary post

Dear Diary,

It’s 27th November’2013. Dad’s birthday. I had wished to send him a tile pic of both of us, but couldn’t. Even the pic is decided, but didn’t get the drive.

It was my birthday on 25th. Went fine. At least till the afternoon. Then I got the news of some visitors coming home. Well, I would have loved to have them if they had planned to come for my birthday. They just chance came and my birthday went for a spin. Of course, at 29, you should be mature enough to accept that it is just another day of the year, but I still feel the tug to make it special, to make it memorable. <Sigh> Tarun definitely tried to make it special. The morning was amazing. He got me flowers and a dress. The best part, it was all a surprise he planned. A surprise becomes difficult to arrange after you’re married AND working in the same company. We’re pretty much together all the time that we have free. So, it was great he could pull that off 🙂 But then, as I always say, ‘if you wish, then you can’. I admit and always have, that he’s perhaps the best thing that happened to me. I had a curt tagline for FB that day, which got spoiled by the news of visitors. It went something like this:

“The best birthday gift I ever received in my life, was given to be by my Dad. In 2009. He was 4 days late but I would excuse him the delay. The gift was ‘Tarun Aggarwal’. The best gift any father could give his daughter. Thanks Pa!”

Well, the thought was true and it holds true no matter what situation I am in. Even when am going through the lows of marriage, and am tired of fighting with my thoughts and myself for having those thoughts, I remember him. That’s the only thing that keeps me going. There are times when I have sincere thoughts of quitting it all and moving on. Sincerely, I have them. And, I reach the point of working out the arrangements. The ‘hows’ and the ‘whens’. And, there is no question about whether I can do it or not. Whether I’ll be able to manage or not. The only thing to hold me back is the wrecked look of him. That’s what the love and trust of someone does to you. And that’s what I mean when  I say Marriage is a binding. A ‘bandhan’. Same goes for Love too.

I wonder then that I’m fortunate to have a caring husband. I have myself seen a lot of men and women who are not so fortunate. And, frankly, there are more ‘those’ cases than cases as mine. I wonder what keeps ‘them’ going? Girls these days are more independent and free-minded than they have ever been. They don’t stay in a relationship just because the society approves of it. Or, because her parents won’t keep her if she quits. She can afford to live alone. She has anyways always questioned on what she’s doing and what she’s not doing, so people questioning is not something new for her. So, what is it exactly that makes her continue to suffer and not go for something that ‘she’ wants.

I think the only reason is, because a happy family is a dream she has had in her for almost all her life. Right from the time she played ‘house house’. And to accept that the dream is not for her, is a difficult feat. Hmmm……. the thought saddens me.

 

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