Bahut darr lag raha hai. I don’t feel like going home. I don’t want to be near her. I don’t want to talk to her. I just want to be left alone. Or, perhaps not. The more lonely I am, the more I fall into the deep black well. I need to be with Anay. I want to be with Anay. I want to spend good time with him. I want to own him. Now, it seems forget owning, getting some time with him is something I will have to take permissions from her.
After our last argument and when I decided that I’ll not retaliate to anything she says, I feel like she’s growing more powerful over me. The fear from her is growing in me because I know I can’t retaliate. I can just cry and rot in my personal hell while she continues to live her life. I can’t let that happen. I can’t follow that. I must put my opinion and my wish out. Otherwise, it’s me to blame. She will continue to overpower me.
Anay is my son and she cannot take him from me. No one can. No one ever can. I will not let that happen. I survive only till I fight.
Yes, I fight.