Feel like writing a poetry today. But so many thoughts, am not good at such a long poetry. And, I prefer a poetry that rhymes. So, leave it for now.
I stayed at my Mom’s place for a week this time. In my 4+ yrs of marriage, this was the first time I spent so many days at her place. With both me and Mom working-women, we have very little window of overlapping holidays. This time I decided to take leaves when her summer vacations were on. Thankfully, it worked out nice.
I never realized what I was missing before this visit. The 2 days visit, which was my usual till now, was too short to feel the ‘back-home’ feeling. I was never really back. The childhood memories, the visit to places you used to go to, the people you used to talk to, or not talk to too…all that comes back only when you’re there for some relaxed amount of time. I went to visit my Mausi too, one day. And, the childhood visits came rushing back. These nostalgic moments never came to me on my previous visits to Mom. All-in-all, nice and relaxing a visit.
At work, there are discussions going on about my half-time and full-time. Looks like I maybe back to my half-time after all. Let’s see how things unfold. While I would be equally happy to be back to the half-time, but the way discussions are going, I’m not very happy with the reasoning they have/give. The regular mindset is that since I’m a woman, I’ve to give time to family, to kids, so managing an aggressive work-life will be difficult. So, it’s better if I keep it simple when am given the chance.
I’m not really able to decide whether it’s me making the choice or ‘them’ making this choice for me. I know they have the best of the intentions for me, and these are just advises they are giving for my benefit, but it brings me to a question. Is it really a choice between growth vs harmony in life? Does it have to be that? Is it that since now I’m a mother I should stop thinking about any kind of growth or competitiveness in my career. Higher studies, leadership roles, everything falls into the bucket of screwing the happy life for ambition.
Am I really screwing my life if I want to add some more meaning into my education? I know, it needs changes to be made to the routine, and things will not be that comfortable. It’ll need some amount of sacrifice and discomfort for my family, for my son too. But, is it something too much to ask for? I mean, is it extremely cruel for me to do it to my son, is it that?
I don’t think so. But, reality may be different. I don’t know.