Working in a team with only 2 people married, and rest all bachelors, a common topic of discussion is marriage. And, all the bachelors are men. So, it’s a common thing that these people are teased about marriage and these people have general tendency of replying that it’s a nightmare to think of.
I know it is common. But, sometimes they start to press the point so much that it gets irritating. They go on to say that they don’t want to get married at all, and will be doing it purely because of parental pressure. So, today while walking with a bunch of them, I started the debate with them on why they think it’s a nightmare?’. Now the reasons went on to various domains like losing independence, spending on the wife, not able to spend on things you want to, and all. I gave my explanations for the same. But most of the time I get silent because they say ‘We should ask Tarun than you. You’ll anyways be happy with marriage’.
I think what I should have said, what I would like to say is how my life changed/improved after marriage. I had lot of hiccups adjusting to it. I had moments when I wanted to end it all and run away from it all. There are so many dogmas that you have to fight. Whoever says that its nice for the girl, should try being in that situation himself. But, I would like to mention what I gained from my marriage, purely selfishly.
1. I can go freely to trips to various places with my husband. This was not allowed before by my parents.
2. I can spend on things I wish to do. Being earning and having taken care of my family for their financial needs, I do not feel guilty for spending on my own wishes/luxuries/silly-nothings. These small things make me feel a lot better about slogging the whole day in office.
3. My husband is my best-friend. I can laugh, cry, fight, enjoy as much as I want with him. After working in the industry for so many years, we lose touch with friends. We socialize with colleagues and it leaves a big void for any heart-to-heart discussions you may want to have. And, no, you can’t do those with your parents. Or siblings. I think as we grow beyond teenage, we feel this urge to be able to talk to someone our age, who’s not from our family, or office. Someone you can freely share your secrets and your worries. Someone who understands you and knows your whole story so is able to appreciate your decisions, or the choices you made in life. And, that can be best found in a spouse.
4. I am the only one who can understand his jokes. He is the only one who can sit through my extreme-lows, and can make me still smile. Not just sit, but make me smile! Every time. Every single time.
5. I love to see how cute my child is. I don’t think he would have been so cute if he was only mine. He got the cuteness completely from his dad. The smartness – is completely from me!
6. The things I have learnt from him. The values, the maturity, the stability that he has brought to my life by being a responsible partner. By not just being a silent walker by my side, but a sculptor who works on the sculpture, slowly and steadily. He has brought me up in life, in society, in realizing my potential and being happy with me.
And if you think I just got lucky, you still didn’t get it. I’m able to create this list because I keep the attitude where I am looking for the positives in a marriage, rather than looking at the negatives. The person next to you can be a team, or an opponent in your life’s journey. The decision on what he/she is for you, is yours. Marriage is not about luck, it is about what you can make of it. Opportunity or a Disastrous consequence.