The heart cries but the eyes don’t. Not sure when I learnt this art. Or, perhaps the eyes have dried up. I remember, till my days of adolescence, I used to cry easy. Not like crying to the girly stuff like losing ear-rings, or anything, but I was very emotional. If I was emotionally hurt, I would cry. And, cry heartily. Now, even when I’m hurt, or bruised, or not feeling emotionally well, I am unable to cry. Even when I want to, I’m unable to.
Crying heals. It helps you vent out the emotions and the dark thoughts growing inside you. It helps you get over the negativity. I think my body has increased its levels of accepting negativity. I think my body is changing. I don’t lose my temper often but when I lose it, I get supremely angry. I am unable to control my reaction, or unable to contain it inside me. If I started shouting to take it out, I wouldn’t be able to stop shouting at my will. I think it is a medical condition.
But, in India, you don’t consider you/anyone is ill unless you/they are unable to get up from the bed. So, no one thinks you need to go to a doctor.
I think I do. I think I have signs of depression.
Days like today when nothing is really wrong in life, but I’m not happy/healthy. I feel like going for a trip/vacation. I feel like being alone/away from all this that I call life right now. The heart is crying but the eyes are not.
Be with me.