The War within – Emotions vs Actions

Dear Diary,

I often wonder why are we taught to control our emotions, to hide our emotions? For example, if you’re extremely angry, you should try and avoid taking it out right then. If you’re extremely happy, try not to show it too much. If you’re upset with someone, think rationally before just taking it all out.

Is it really that bad to vent out right then? I agree that whatever we feel or say is sometimes extreme when we’re angry but then isn’t everyone smart enough to understand and let it be at just that – a fit of anger, an outburst of emotions…?

I feel that suppressed emotions cause more damage than extreme, long pent-up outbursts. Whenever I have had an outburst, I’ve been wrong and guilty at the end of it, for speaking too much, or feeling so negative. But, it has liberated me. I immediately feel relieved. Of all worries, of all bad thoughts, of all negativities, of even unwanted desires. And the days lost writhing in pain/misery/negativities end up giving so many health problems! Why to do that?

Isn’t it the actions that should decide whether a person is right/wrong? I may have an urge to kill someone, hurt someone, scheme against someone. But those are only urges and should mean nothing as long as I don’t act on my urges. Then why do we start judging when a person says ‘I have an urge to cheat on my partner’, or that ‘I feel hatred towards my parents’, or ‘I feel like my child is a burden and life would have been so much free/fun without them’.

And if it is the action that decides the right/wrong, then why keep all those emotions hidden? Sometimes just taking those emotions out solves most of the problem. Isn’t it?

But, that is not how the world operates. That is not how people expect you to behave and they don’t behave that way either. So, if you start behaving that way, people will start judging you more by your words than your actions. Because, everyone is just looking for your low-points. Times when you did something wrong and use it against you when you’re at a high. I can’t imagine my in-laws understanding that it was just an outburst of emotions and not something I had/have on my mind all the time. I can’t expect my manager to just forget what I said in my angry moment, and not use it to decide/judge me at the time of my performance review.

Hence, that’s how the world will always operate. Sigh!