A box full of Pandora’s thoughts:
On an alternate world: The society is built in this way that the girl leaves her house and comes to the boy’s house to live with his Mother and others. Why everyone else is part of ‘others’? I think the only crucial factor that determine a woman’s successful inclusion into the family is if the two/many ladies of the house are able to adjust to each other. If that happens, everything else falls into place.
So, my idea is that rather than living with the son’s parents, how about if the couple lived with the girl’s parents. I mean, I’ve seen the boys more open and comfortable accommodating the girl’s family if his parents are not living with them. We find the girl more taken care of, more at peace, plus the children get at least one set of grandparents to enjoy with. And, the best part is that girl’s parents never intrude too much into the couple’s decisions. Despite the fact that the mothers all over the world have similar attitude problems, a girl is able to cope with it better when it is ‘her own’ mom than anyone else. Perhaps, we girls are more selfish these days, or whatever. If all the girls did this, all the parents are taken care of, and all the society has less of saas-bahu problems too. Whatsay!?
On infidelity: When I was in college, getting attracted to new people once a month (or perhaps even quicker), was normal. You’re in the phase where you’re waiting to meet that special someone. You meet new people and your mind starts thinking that is he/she the ‘one’? Very normal. This was part of our lives, our routines, our living. Even then, I often wondered that how does all this stop after marriage. Is there a switch which goes off and you no more feel attracted to the opposite gender? Do the hormones stop working because you got old? Well, that would be quite a disappointment.
Now, I’m married, happily at that. As happy as it can get in the real world. Has the attractions stopped? No. The heart still flutters or enjoys the attention given by the opposite gender. What changed? Well, one, you’re no more looking. Well, that’s subject to each individual too.
I think what really changes it that you evaluate that "is it worth screwing all that up"? The bond you created with your spouse, the family you’re making, the house you’re nurturing, is this small flint worth giving all that up!? And till the time the answer is no, you’re happily married. Meaning?
1. You’ve to ensure that your marriage remains worthy for both of you, with each passing year.
2. Infidelity is all about your values, and whether you’re willing to work to sustain the relationship. Every relationship needs time and efforts. It depends on you ‘which’ relationship you chose to work for.
3. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a man or woman. The lust, the pull, the excitement of chase, of attention is equal for both husband and wife. If you can fall trap to it, so can your better half. So, be prepared to hear all the excuses you were thinking of giving.
On feminism: The social media is full of articles on what feminism means, on what the world should be like for women, on how men should behave with women, on what women rights are. And it is equally full of news articles of women being raped, of domestic violence, of wives being killed because of disputes, of CCTV cameras peeping into trial rooms. I feel the world is clearly divided into two parts – the real and the fictional. Each woman belongs to the fiction world of reading about the stories, till the time she becomes a prey and lands into the real world.
I don’t know what can be done to make the fictional world more real and make the current real world history. But, I do understand that the thought process needs to start. Is the thought process required only for men? Unfortunately, I don’t think so. I think, since time eternal, it has been the women ruling the world and causing/fixing problems. The men have been at the forefront because women chose so. So, it’ll have to be women causing/fixing this problem too.
How do I feel I’m part of the problem?
…to be contd….