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Ever-elusive Love and Marriage

Dear Anay,

You’re barely 4-yr old right now. You have your complete childhood to enjoy and relax. I hope I’m able to give you that. But, time will come when you fall in love and/or decide to get married. Any can happen first. In the two cases possible, following is the kind of ride you can expect.

Love before marriage:

Imagine a strong tide churning through the ocean. Imagine yourself riding a surf boat in it. It is fun, it is thrilling, it is scary, it is unpredictable, and there is little else that can occupy your mind right then. Love is precisely that. Not to mention all the hormones kicking through you in that age. Add the movies selling you dreamy romances and rain-splashing melodrama, the equally-silly friends telling you every time that this is ‘it’. There are such strong emotions that you go through that all other emotions/attachments/priorities/people become meaningless. To be able to go through that and come out safe and wiser is a feat in itself.

My two pence:

1. There will be lot of people you’ll meet in your life’s journey. You’ll make many friends. Some of them will be more special than the rest. Some you would like to keep with you forever in the journey. You don’t need to marry all of them. They can remain in your life forever if you wish them to. So, don’t jump to the conclusion that it is love just because you enjoy being with them.

2. Love is mostly about the feelings/experiences/emotions you’re going through than the other person involved. It’s pretty pretty selfish in the garb of caring/sacrificing/loving the other person. Mostly whatever you do, you’re doing to satisfy your fears, or your whims and fancies, or your dreams. Never think that what you’re going through (hell/heaven) is because of the other person. If the person is not reciprocating the way you wanted them to, don’t reach to the conclusion that this is the end of the world or this is the only person you can ever live with. It is a long journey and there are lot of people in the world. (As of today, 1 billion in Delhi alone!). You’ll find someone else, perhaps even better. Plus, there are many more things in life than just love.

(PS: If you’re reading this post when you’ve already fallen in love (hopefully to a girl!) then I doubt any of it would knock any sense into you. But, for once in life, trust your Mom on this!)

3. If you ever have to decide that whether the feelings you’re going through is really love or not, take the ‘Time and Space Test’. What is that? Give yourself a month of total separation from the person. No contact whatsoever. It would be hard, it would be practically impossible but if it’s looove, it has to be hard to get. Right!? So, try it. If both of you still feel the same way as you used to, even after a month, then yes my son, you’ve indeed found the ever-elusive love. But, if you find out (most likely! 99.9% cases) that it wasn’t, then remember the adage ‘Tu nahi aur sahi, aur nahi aur sahi’. (Means: If not you, then someone else, if not someone else, then some-someone else’)

4. Is she/he the right one for you for life? My Mom, that is your Granny, told me this and I think it is so right when it comes to chosing partners. She said – ‘Chose a partner, whom you can walk proudly with, even after 20 yrs of marriage, into a party full of your social circle (at that time 20 yrs later), and introduce happily to your friends.’ It may sound society-oriented. But, it compiles a lot of things in it. A lot of crux in it. Give it a thought. Contemplate on it and if I’ve grown you right, you’ll find it useful and meaningful. You marry only once. Chose wisely.

Love after marriage: to be continued.




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