Sad or maybe just bored

So, as I mentioned earlier, life has taken another unexpected turn for me. Tarun left his job to start his business and my company got acquired.

While my company getting acquired should have made minimal changes to my life, it has indeed changed. The work pressure is definitely easing up. Things are going snail-pace low. It used to be stormy usually. So, it’s quite a shift of tempo. No one has said anything. No one is admitting that it has changed but it has changed automatically. Unspoken.

Yesterday, it stuck me that the good times of Calypto, is over. I had a golden time at Calypto in these past 2.5 yrs. The work culture, the work-type, my management and my peers, I thoroughly loved my work place. It was so fulfilling that I didn’t want to leave it for going to US, when Tarun was once thinking of it.

And now, with the new company, it is again hierarchy, processes, and say-something-else-but-mean-something-totally-different. Mentor is a good company to work with but I would have very much liked to become a part of it after giving an interview and taking a hike. Now, it is just the name you’ve got. Everything else will come, but slowly. So, not nice for now. Maybe it’s just the change our body/mind is taking time to adjust. Anyways, hope things improve.

With Tarun moving to business, life at home has changed too. I had to move back to my full-time. So, the luxury of having couple of hours leverage is now gone. Because of my knee-operation, my yoga is extremely crucial so can’t get away from that either. So, now my day becomes more packed than it was (which was already quite packed).

Initially, Tarun would still try and help at home. Take care of Anay’s studies. Spend time with him. Spend time casually over dinner. Some chit-chat. Now, he’s always preoccupied with his thoughts. The time that he spends our quite few and many times he’s thinking even then. It is a drastic change for me. I was prepared for the financial changes that were to happen because of this move. I was just not prepared for my equations in our relationship to change.

A relationship is so much more beautiful when you have some time to talk. Just talk. As life takes over and this time reduces, it seems like you’re mostly shouting at each other. Mornings are hectic. They always are. They always are in a family because everyone has to leave on time. So, there are loud voices. There are curses happening all around. That’s fine. Normal, actually. But when you don’t get the easy time in the day to compensate, you feel that is the only thing that happens. The abuses and the shouts are the only thing you share. It is so important to have some cozy, quite time.

Two weekends have passed since Tarun left his job. One of them was a long weekend. He was working all the days, both the weekends. I understand that since he’s starting, it is going to be on his mind all the time. He can’t help it and there’s no point my making fuss over it. First weekend, I tried to give him his time during the day and asked him to take some time off during the evening. We were set to meet my parents for a dinner out. He was so pre-occupied with his thoughts, he barely talked to me. The times he did, he mostly snapped. Apparently, whatever he was working on, didn’t finish and he wasn’t clear on how to make things work.

I tried explaining later, on Sunday, to him, that he needs to consciously make an effort towards work-life balance. To give time to his family also. Not give too much time but to be there in the moment, with the family, when he’s not working. He accepted that. He even understood his behavior. But, it is not happening. The implementation is not easy. It will take time, I guess.

But I hope it does.

-Hope
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