Posted in Adult Life, Ambitions, Challenges, Fake, Growth, Hatred, Jealousy, Love, Philosophy, Self-growth, Society

Why hatred is expensive but love comes cheap

Becoming a Manager is one thing but living the life of a Manager is not easy. In India, where if you want to grow in your career, you’ve no choice but to become a Manager, this becomes even tougher. You don’t have the luxury of following your passion. The Darwin’s theory of ‘survival of the fittest’ plays a major role in deciding how your career and future will shape up. And, if survival needs you to become a Manager, then so you shall be.

I was never forced into Management, I wanted it. I dreamt of it. And now, when I’m living the life, I realise – everything comes with a price tag.

So, I interact with people and deal with ego-clashes, mean attitudes, backstabs – all in a span of the day. And it seems to be getting to me. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night feeling depressed about the guy who didn’t join. Or, the guy who did¡ Sometimes, sleeping becomes an issue. You remember all the things people said. You remember all things you tried to do for the team member who decided to ditch you, when it was finally seeming to be working out. And now when you’ve become an adult, you no longer have the blessing of ignorance. You can actually differentiate between people who’re actually nice to you and those who’re smiling to your faces but snickering at you behind your back. That gets to you too.

For how long do you keep telling yourself that it’s only job and it doesn’t matter. How long do you give people the benefit of doubt. For how long you accept that everyone is fallible and everyone is gullible? There comes a time when the mind shrieks – “What about me?”

You seek revenge. You feel like doing tit for tat. You feel like being as mean to people as they have been to you. Show them you’re not a door mat! Show them you’re not the fool they can take for a ride every time. You won’t be used anymore! Now, I’ll use and throw!

And, it makes you sleepless even further. Your heart is hurting with all the anger and your mind is busy plotting ideas on how to get back to that bitch/moron. The sleepless nights now turn into days of mulling and conniving. And, you see evil everywhere.

Bahh!

And then, realisation strikes! You are wasting so much time on a person who deserved not even an iota of your time or energy any further. You burnt and boiled your blood. You wasted all those minutes thinking of doing something that’ll perhaps have no or little impact on the person. All the time that you could have enjoyed with your work or your loved ones or enjoying the beauty around you, you wasted on hatred.

And I remember my own words from the past – ” Hatred is a two way sword. The harder you push into the other person, the more it tears your own soul”.

Singing the song – “Where is the time to hate, there is so little time to love!”

-Hope

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Posted in Adult Life, Ambitions, Fake, Hatred, Jealousy, Personal, Relationships, Self-growth, Society

of hatred

Hatred is a two – way sword. The more you inch from ‘dislike’ to ‘loathing’ to ‘hatred’ for a person, more pressure you exert on the sword to inch further into the person. And as you put pressure, more the sword digs deeper into your hand – from the edge pointing at you. The sword can never hurt the other person more than you because the pain is felt first in your hands! 

So, chose the people you hate, wisely!

Posted in Adult Life, Fake, Jealousy, Personal, Philosophy, Self-growth, Uncategorized

Of allowing human-ness

Dear Diary,

No one likes to be shouted at. Yet, none of us think that before we yell at someone.

No one likes to be called stupid. Yet, we never think twice before we call someone stupid.

No one is perfect. Yet, we never tire from pointing out people’s imperfections.

From today on, I’ll try to stay more calm. I’ll try to not shout or frown upon people. I’ll try not to bad-mouth people even when I’m gossiping lame stuff over tea.

It’s impossible to accept everything. Sometimes, it is important to tell people they’re doing it wrong. But, there’s always a better way of saying the same thing. Instead of saying – ‘you should know this, you stupid!’, I can say – ‘Why don’t you take another look at this and see if you can find the reason. I think you will. If not, please do come back and I’ll explain”.

More importantly, I’ll try not to feel anger at people’s imperfections. The key is not just to NOT show anger. It’s more important to not feel it either. Otherwise, anger keeps piling inside of us and it comes out with double force next time. So, it’s crucial to accept people as humans. Humans, capable of making mistakes, not everyone is at the same mile in the long journey. Some maybe ahead of us, some may still be behind. Let’s accept people as they are. Let’s allow them to be humans.

-Hope
Posted in Adult Life, Fake, Friends, Personal, Relationships, Social, Society

Social or Fake?

Dear Diary,

As I lay in bed, trying to find a new activity every day, to pass my time, I think of people who didn’t call me. I don’t care much for the social, formality-sake calls, but I worry about the ones those I expected and didn’t come. A particular person, a close one, who was sure to call, called but not to me, but to family. I wonder why. Did I say something that hurt her? I think back to our last meeting, our last conversation. Ohh! I think I hurt her. But, I didn’t intend to. I was purely citing that example to share my pain, on her situation, on her pain. Of my fears. Ohh Dear! 😦 I feel sad to have hurt her. But, how could she take me wrong. I was just sharing. 😦

I remember all such past incidences, when I lost people. People who were important to me, but whom I hurt in my naivety. Just because I said something. But then, it never is just one instance. I am sure it was more. There must have been episodes before that, and it was just the last nail in the coffin. I don’t realize my mistake until it reaches this last, when the people just snap. Snap the relationship. Snap the contact. I am left with no choice but to let go. It hurts. It hurts even after many years. The fact that I remember all of them, even till today, proves that it always stays.

I wonder. I wonder how people let go of relations so easily. As I grow on in my adult life, I realize how difficult it is to create the same, easy relations that we used to have in childhood, in teenage life. Hence, I don’t want to let go of those relationships at all. There was lot of time and energy that went in building them. And just a misunderstanding, or a disagreement is not enough to waste it all. We don’t have the time any more to create those kind of solid bonds and understanding. The lifestyles, the complex living conditions that we live in, don’t leave any scope for it.

Or maybe, they do understand it and still think its not worth it.

I like people. I like talking to people. Exchanging thoughts, philosophies. Talking about my random ideas and their responses to it. I feel for their pain. I feel their happiness equally. That makes me a social person. But, I would rather call myself an open person. I don’t hide my thoughts, my problems, my views. I don’t poke into your problems, your lives either. I try not to. I specifically try not to pry into your personal lives. I just try and be there, if you need to talk to me. As a friend.

I wish I could just be the same old person I was. In a circle of a few friends. People, who knew me, understood me, and didn’t judge me. If  I hurt them, they would lash back at me than give up. The adult world is fake. Social means fake. Where you say things to please people. To be in their good books. Agree with them no matter what you feel.

When I reach such points, I so feel that Tarun is so perfect a person. He’s considered an asocial guy. Doesn’t talk much to people. Concentrates on his work, most of the time. He likes to participate, but gets involved in it just that much. No friends, and yet a whole gamut of friends.

I don’t think I could ever be that way. Maybe I never should be that. I’ll just be what I am. Unrepentant. And stop judging myself for it. Before I ask people to stop judging me, I should stop judging myself.

Dear God, be with me!

-Hope