Posted in Adult Life, Dreams, Growth, Personal, Philosophy, Relationships, Self-growth, somethin bout God n me, Uncategorized

Diary Entries

Dear Diary,

How are you? Life is going on. Just as it always does. Doesn’t let me be! 🙂
We continue to make plans and life continues to dump them, left, right and center. But, that’s the way it will be. And, that’s the way one has to accept it. Something will click and we’ll call it an achievement. Or, call it fate.
Festive season is approaching. I’m looking forward to it. After a long year of upheavals, uncertainties, and confusions, I am trying to understand what I want, how to deal with failures, live with losses or sadness, as the bouts come and go. Currently, I feel myself in a state of suspension – no attachment, no pain, no fear of future, no concern about losing what I have, no interest in gaining something either. It’s like a state of passing through and let life happen.

I am not sure if I should call this a state of peacefulness.I have never felt this before. It has always been about aiming, working, failing or achieving. It has always been about on-the-move, constantly. This phase of no aims, nowhere to go, is new and not entirely comfortable. Unknown territory, I guess. So, whether it’s bad or good, I cannot say. It does make me uncomfortable. Am I being lazy and just procrastinating my life away? Or, this thing of not worrying about things, is actually moving towards spirituality and inner-peace?
I recently had a conversation with a junior girl at my office. She’s a Jain and into spirituality. She mentioned about how Jainism is about minimalism. About being content with whatever less you have. Of making your body and mind be happy and satisfied with most minimum of things. Of not even worrying about the body and the pain. Of becoming only a soul which is connected to the supreme force.

Jainism is hard to follow with all the rules. There are so many restrictions. That’s all it means to an outsider. This insider perspective, I have only received now. And, it makes so much sense. I liked the idea of minimalism. Of decluttering the life. In a way, removing the various ‘moh’ from life. ‘Moh’ or attachment to foods, to pleasures, to people, to needs, to self. All of it. None of it.
This new-found thought is comforting. It’s soothing to my always running mind. It helps me not worry too much about the consequences of our actions. Of our decisions. There are quite a few decisions we are making these days. I am not entirely sure which way I want to go. It’s a cross-road. But, I have realized whichever way it goes, it doesn’t matter. Life will happen. There will be issues. There will be some happy moments too. Whatever. Doesn’t matter.
Take Care!


Posted in Challenges, Personal, Philosophy, Self-growth, somethin bout God n me, Uncategorized

Of rocky times and reflections

Dear Diary,

Can I say life has never been more indecisive for me . I would like to believe, rather I do believe, that something amazing is about to happen but it’s taking a little more time. But, what if I’m wrong? What if, this is the reality and it is to stay that way? What if it continues this way till it breaks me? Is there anything which breaks a person? Truly, completely, shattering? I think sudden incidents can do that but gradual dismal life..? I think it only makes you bitter and perennially sad. That is where this seems to be heading – perennial sadness.

I remember being in such a phase before. It was when I was living with my in-laws. I know it was a state of depression. Had I visited a doctor, he would have put me on pills. Or, maybe not! Maybe, I am just a self-absorbed snob who gives too much importance to one’s feelings and state of being. Maybe nothing is actually wrong but I’m an old lady who keeps feigning sickness to get some more attention.


Another dilemma. Another inconclusive chain of thoughts.

In the meanwhile, I reflect and find some interesting observations:

1. There are five senses of the body – Brain(Mind/Thoughts), Eyes(Vision), Ears(Listen), Nose(Smell) and Skin(Touch). Gita tells us one must learn to control the senses than the other way round. One must not be a slave to the senses (which I totally am). Did you notice that the mind is part of those senses, but heart is not?

Often one is in a dilemma because mind and heart are at cross-ends. Most often heart is where we want to go but mind tells us otherwise. Are the scriptures trying to tell us something here?

2. Most of the idols at old places – like Vaishno Mata Mandir, or Shiva temple at Amarnath, or Hanuman murti at Marghat wale baba mandir at Kashmere Gate, or Khatu Shyam ji, Rajasthan, and many more. They all are almost a stone with eyes/hands/nose etc sketched on them. Basically, in their original form, they are just stones.

Can we say that initial forms of God were actually stone. So, basically, man originally believed that if he put a stone and ‘believed’ that his God almighty lives in it, it will be so. The stone will have the power to do miracles in his life somehow. And, it did. It must have because that’s why we have so many people visiting this place because the faith gave results. So, long before, Hinduism fell to the hands of idol-worship, it was actually a religion of faith. Where the faith was more powerful than the figurine being worshipped. It was the idea, the thought and the belief that some power is bigger than me, and if I call out to that power each day, it will help me solve my problems.

I wish we could go back to that form of worship again. It would resolve so many conflicts the world faces today.


Posted in somethin bout God n me

Main aur meri tanhayi..aksar yeh baatein karte hain

i’ve never been much into this blog thing, so don really know, wat u hav to write, n wat u r not supposed to.
i know just dis dat its a place to unwind ur mind’ thoughts,n open dem up, to unknown world of ppl. so, dat’s wat i’l try doin. omit me in case of errors 🙂

i’m a girl of too many thoughts, n less of work(lately!!). i think dere is very few times, wen dere’s nothin goin on in my head. although, it doesn’t lead to many great revelations, most of d times. but, wil share a few of dem.

1. I believe dat God has given us dis life, to see his beautiful piece of art. How beautifully and wid loads of hard-work, he’s created each n every thing, dat we call “world” today. it can be as simple as a stone, and it can be as big as …ummm??…humans!!
He gave us the special powers, called the five senses.. see, hear, smell, speak, touch or sense. These all work together, together wid d mind, so dat we can see, and admire d gud things around us. We can admire his ART. He gave us a heart, to feel, wat others feel…others’ emotions. To see, d rivers, d sun rising, d mountains, d birds chirping , d so-called-ugly insects crawling, d so-called-dangerous snakes, tigers, and so on.. yet they are all unique, n beautiful. each one of them needs to be seen closely, and dere beauty admired. many times, dere beauty lies in dere imperfections. U really need to love them, to like their imprefections!!!
In ancient times, wen he realised, we are not able to really admire dem, as much as he wanted us to, he improved our understandin. He gave us an element called curiosity. Which we have developed into, wat we proudly call “Science”. This was wat gave us almost everythin…thru nothin else dan ” discovery”. We learnt to “invent” so dat we can understand God’s Art better. We learnt to cure, so dat we provide a helping hand to those, who can’t help themselves. God gave us d ability to feel others’ sorrow, so that we can help them better. learn to live in brotherhood, in harmony.This is wat we call “interdependence” today. which is one of imp characteristics of “civilization”.
I know, wat comes to mind, is y dis desruction den. Den, God created dem too!! But, i think dis is also his way of maintaining a balance. Or, maybe,somethin else. Many times, we don understand y our elders took a decision, we, don understand d true intentions. Probably, we r not as far-sighted! same is d case wid God! maybe we r stil not dat far-sighted! 🙂

I think dis much is enough for one post! Got jus toooooo heavy!! I don know how much sense i made. But, i think u asked me to speak my mind. 🙂 So, i did exactly dat.
Hope u r intelligent enough to make out wat i tried sayin.