Becoming a Manager is one thing but living the life of a Manager is not easy. In India, where if you want to grow in your career, you’ve no choice but to become a Manager, this becomes even tougher. You don’t have the luxury of following your passion. The Darwin’s theory of ‘survival of the fittest’ plays a major role in deciding how your career and future will shape up. And, if survival needs you to become a Manager, then so you shall be.
I was never forced into Management, I wanted it. I dreamt of it. And now, when I’m living the life, I realise – everything comes with a price tag.
So, I interact with people and deal with ego-clashes, mean attitudes, backstabs – all in a span of the day. And it seems to be getting to me. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night feeling depressed about the guy who didn’t join. Or, the guy who did¡ Sometimes, sleeping becomes an issue. You remember all the things people said. You remember all things you tried to do for the team member who decided to ditch you, when it was finally seeming to be working out. And now when you’ve become an adult, you no longer have the blessing of ignorance. You can actually differentiate between people who’re actually nice to you and those who’re smiling to your faces but snickering at you behind your back. That gets to you too.
For how long do you keep telling yourself that it’s only job and it doesn’t matter. How long do you give people the benefit of doubt. For how long you accept that everyone is fallible and everyone is gullible? There comes a time when the mind shrieks – “What about me?”
You seek revenge. You feel like doing tit for tat. You feel like being as mean to people as they have been to you. Show them you’re not a door mat! Show them you’re not the fool they can take for a ride every time. You won’t be used anymore! Now, I’ll use and throw!
And, it makes you sleepless even further. Your heart is hurting with all the anger and your mind is busy plotting ideas on how to get back to that bitch/moron. The sleepless nights now turn into days of mulling and conniving. And, you see evil everywhere.
And then, realisation strikes! You are wasting so much time on a person who deserved not even an iota of your time or energy any further. You burnt and boiled your blood. You wasted all those minutes thinking of doing something that’ll perhaps have no or little impact on the person. All the time that you could have enjoyed with your work or your loved ones or enjoying the beauty around you, you wasted on hatred.
And I remember my own words from the past – ” Hatred is a two way sword. The harder you push into the other person, the more it tears your own soul”.
Singing the song – “Where is the time to hate, there is so little time to love!”